Who Am I: Leah's Story
by PeggiePatch
Summary: Leah can't get over the Sam. She attempts suicice fails. But when she wakes up she has amnesia. What will happen when she realises she's a werewolf? Will she find love hapiness? & what will happen when her memory starts to return to her? R R. summary suck
1. I can't move on

**AN: all these characters belong to the legend that is Stephanie Meyer, not me.**

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My name is Leah, and i'm 21 years old. I live in LaPush, with my younger brother Seth, and my mum Sue. My heart was broken beyond repair two years ago, by a guy named Sam. I'm still in love with him, and I can't move on. And, I'm a shapeshifter. More commonly known as a werewolf.

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I bump into Sam and Emily. I'm in Walmart, getting some bread and milk for my mum, and I see Sam. He is holding hads with Emily, and they are talking and laughing. Why do they have to look so good together? Like they're made for each other. Well, I suppose they are.

"Hi Leah!" Emily smiles at me, so sincerely. Why does she have to be so God damn nice? I want to be angry with her, I want to hate her. But I can't. It's not her fault. I wish it could be me, holding Sams hand, planning our wedding. But, I don't hate Emily. I wish I was her.

And Sam? He broke my heart, cheated on me, dumped me for another girl. But I can't hate him? How can I hate Sam? I love him. I love him so much it hurts and I can't take it anymore.

"Hello Leah," Sam looks at me so pityingly, and I feel my heart break all over again. I manage to smile back, and say "hello." Then, I quickly walk away, to the fridge. I grab the milk, and pay, then I walk out as quickly as I can. Sam and Emily watch me pityingly for like a minute, then they go back to thei conversation.

When I get home, I throw the bag into the kitchen and run up the stairs. My brother is watching me and I give him a dirty look. Then I run into my room, slam the door, and collapse onto my bed.

I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be the pathetic saddo, who can't get over being dumped 2 yesrs ago. I don't want to be a miserable bitch all the time. I just want to be happy. I want to imprint, or fall in love. I want to get over Sam, but I can't. Nobody understands how I feel. Jacob was only who ever came remotely close to understanding how I feel, but then even he imprinted. So now I'm all alone. Jake is obsessed with the vampire kid, and Seth, well Seth, he's just happy all the time. And me, I just make them pissed off and annoyed, 'cause I'm always depressed. But, what nobody understands, is that I don't want to be like that.

I don't want to like that.

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**This chapter was quite short, but they will be longer. I know it wasn't that exciting, it was more of an introduction. I'm hoping this story is fairly original, but I don't know. **

**Reveiw please, good or bad. **

**thanks for reading.**


	2. Get an ambulance!

**AN: believe it or not, i don't own these characters!!! shocking, i know! because i know everyone thought i really was stephanie meyer. sorry to dissapoint you, folks.**

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**Seths POV**

I see my sister run up into her room. She gives me a dirty look as she goes past me. No doubt this is something to do with Sam. I wish Leah would imprint or something. I hate th way she's always to...moody. Not only is it seriously annoying, but she is my sister. I don't actually want her to be unhappy.

I head downstairs, I'm going down to the Cullens today to see Jake and Nessie. That kid is awesome. She's like a year old, but she's so smart. She looks about 5 though. She's great fun. I get my car and drive to the Cullens. Alice opens the door and I walk in.

"Hi Seth," Jake grins at me. He's having a tea party with Nessie. And he actually looks like he's having fun.

" 'lo! Hello Nessie. What ya up to?" I ask her. She looks up at me and smiles, then she motions me to come over. She touches my hand, and shows me pictures of her playing with Jake. He's great with her. I go into the sitting room to say hi to Edward and Bella. They're watching a comedy on TV, so I sit down and watch it too.

There's not much happening on the Cullen's today. Then, my mobile rings. I check the caller ID, and it's my mum. I answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Seth? Seth, can you get home now?" she sounds worried.

"Mum? What is it?"

"It's Leah!" Is it just me or...or is my mum crying. "Seth, I went up into her room, and she...she was unconscience!" There is a silence.

"I'm coming," I manage to say. I hang up, and stad there. Leah is unconscience...what the hell could she have done? I mean, she was a werewolf, how could she get knocked out? Then I think, did she do it to herself? I mean, I know shw was upset and stuff...but was she that bad? Dis she want to kill herself?

"Seth...Go!" Edward says to me. I realise that I'm just standing there. I run out of the house, and head down to my own.

Went I get there, I run inside. My mum is upstairs in Leah's room, with Charlie Swan.

"Have you rung an ambulance?" I manage to say. Nobody responds. Mum is just staring over Leah, crying. Charlie has his arm around her. I ask again.

"What?" Charlie turns around and looks at me. "Oh, good. Sue, seth is here."

"Have you rung an ambulance?" I am shouting now. My sister is lying unconscience on the floor, and my mum isn't doing anything. Why haven't they rung an ambulance? Why are they just leaving her there. I check Leah's pulse, and it's slowed drown dramatically. She's barely breathing. I try to wake her, but she doesn't wake. She just lies there. What could have happened to her? What could have happened to a werewolf? "Why haven't you rung an ambulance?!" I scream. Mum looks at me blankly.

"Seth, honey, you know we can't," she says. "Your sister is a shapeshiftlinh wolf thing. She's not human, doctors can't help her."

"We have to try," I insist.

"We can't," mum says. "If they find out she'd different, that she isn't human, well, who knows what will happen to her???"

"But if we don't she'll die." Mum and Charlie don't meet my eyes.

I don't know what to do.


	3. What happened?

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Hence why I am writing my story on fanfiction, rather than writing another book in the twilight series.**

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**Carlisles POV**

"Emmett, Jasper," I warn. They are arm wrestling. I don't think Esme will appreciate having her table broken...again.

"Carlisle," Edward shouts on me. "Carlisle!" He shouts louder. I head into the sitting room, and I see Seth sprint out of the house.

"Yes, Edward," I say. He looks worried.

"I think you better go to LaPush," he says, and he looks serious. Bella is watching, worriedly. "Something happened Leah, and Seth was really worried. She's unconscience." I wonder how this can have happened to her. The wolves are strong, very strong. It takes a lot to injure them. Edward lowers his voice. "Seth think she might have done this to herself."

Ahh. Ok. Poor Leah.

I head downstairs, with Bella and Edward following behind me. I tell Jacob to come to. We get into my car, and drive quickly down to LaPush. When we reach Leah's house, the door is wide open, so we go on in. I shut the door, and we run upstairs. Leah is lying unconscience on the floor, presumably in her room. Seth is sitting down beside her, and Sue and Charlie are sitting on her bed.

"Dr. Cullen," Charlie stands up and walks towards me. "Thank God you're here. You have to help her!"

"They wouldn't call an ambulance," Seth says bitterly. I feel sorry for the boy. He's alwys so cheerful and happy. This must be devastating for him. Jacob goes over to comfort Seth. I send Edward out to the car, to get my emergency box, and my medical supplies.

"Do you know what happened?" Bella asks, when Edward comes in with all my medical equipment.

"No. But I think she might have overdosed," Sue sighs, then she holds up a small blue pill. "I found this on the floor. I don't know what it is, or where she got it." She hands the pill to me, and I examine it. I'm sure what it is.

"I think it might be some form of heroin," I say, and I look at it again. "Yes, i think it is. It's a very strong form of Heroin. 3 of these could kill a human, but Leah's not exactly a human. God only know's how many she took."

"Well, it takes about...10 of them to give us some form of high," Jacob volunteers. We look at him, wondering where how he would know that, and he shrugs. "I was curious."

"She must have taken about 50 of them," I say, quite shocked. Where would an ordinairy girl get 50 heroin tablets? Where would she get the money?

"Oh God, I'm an awful mother,"Sue says. "I didn't realise, I had no idea she was so..." She breaks down into sobs while Charlie and Bella comfort her.

I explain to Sue that I'm going to have to move Leah, and take her down to our home. I wouldn't risk the hospital. Leah is going to need assitance breathing, and she's going to need her stomach pumped.

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**Sue's POV.**

My daughter has been in a coma for three days now. I head down to the Cullen's house, where Leah is. I didn't want to leave her, but I needed to go home. Charlie arrives to drive me to the Cullens. He's been great to me, I'm not sure what I would do without him. Seth is just distraught. I hear him in the forest, howling. He's been staying in the wolf form a lot.

Charlie drives me down to the Cullens. I don't know how to thank Dr. Cullen. Without him, I don't think my daughter would be her. Apparantly, she's improved a lot, and I can't wait to see her. There's something weird about the Cullens. I don't know what they are, but I know there is no way they are human. They're all anmazingly beautiful. Charlie's daughter, Bella, used to be a pretty human, but now she looks like one of them; a beautiful Cullen. Her daughter is amazing! She's a year old, but she looks about five, and she's incredibly smart. There is definately something weird about the Cullen's, but I don't care. Because without them, my daughter would be dead.

I can't believe what happened to her. I can't believe my daughter, my little Leah would try and take her own life. I knew she was upset, that she still hadn't gotten over that Sam, but I didn't realise how depressed she was. And I feel so guilty.

We arrive at the Cullen's house, and I walk on in. I walk straight to the room where Leah is. Dr. Cullen is standing at the door, and I can see Leah is sitting up in her bed.

"Sue, wait," Dr. Cullen says. "There's something you should..." But I ignore him, and I run on into the room. Leah is sitting up on the bed, watching me intently; confused.

"Leah!" I breath a sigh of relief; she's okay.

But Leah watches me, puzzled. "Who are you?" she asks.

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**umm, i'm not really a drug expert + im not sure what heroin looks like, or how strong it is, or if u even get heroin tablets. but, thats not really important to the story. idk how well i wrote sue, she might be ooc, i actually haven't a clue. lol.**

**the rest of the story will probably be leah's pov, im not sure yet.**

**reveiw please!!!**

**thanks for reading**

**:)**


	4. Amnesia

**disclaimer: like everyone else writing fanfiction, these characters do not belong to me. **

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My name is Leah, and I am 21 years old. I live in LaPush. My life began a week ago. I can't remember anything else.

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My head hurts, trying to remember. I can't. I don't remember anything about my life. It's weird, I can remember the most random crap. I remember stuff I would have learned in school. I can tell you the names of celebrities. I remeber what happened on Eastenders last week. But I have no idea who I am. I have no idea who the people around me are. I remember that my name is Leah...Leah something or other. I know I am 21 years old, but I don't know when my birthday is. I don't know what happened to me in my life.

The woman claiming to be my mother sits by my bed day and night, waiting for me to remember who I am. I woke up a week ago. I don't know what happened. Nobody will tell me. A boy who says he is my brother is around a lot too. And another guy, Jacob. And the doctor, Carlisle Cullen. Oh my God, he is hot!

To be honest, his entire family are beautiful. Literally, they are the most beautiful people I have ever seen. They all look like they could be supermodels, but even that doesn't begin to describe how breathtakingly beautiful they are. But there is something different about them, something strange. I feel, what I can only describe as a gut instinct...or an animal instinct: I feel that I should be wary around them, that they are not to be trusted. But there is more to it, they act the same way around me. It's almost as if they are...scared of me. And they seem so surprised everytime I act nice, or friendly, or grateful towards them. Which makes me wonder; what kind of a person must I have been before I lost my memory?

"Sue," I say. I can't bring myself to call this woman 'mum.' I can see a resemblance between us, and I can tell she cares about me...but she is still a stranger to me.

"Yes, honey," she answers straight away, getting up of her chair and walking over to me.

"Why am I here?" I ask. This question has been bothering me for a while, but only now have I found the courage to ask.

"Because your sick, darling," is her response.

"But why am I in this house and not in a hospital? With real doctors and nurses?" I am growing impatient, I wish they would just tell me the truth.

"You really don't remember anything about your past, do you?" she sighs. I feel sorry for her, becuase this woman has lost her daughter. I am not the Leah she knows, I am an empty shell. This woman has brought me up, yet I have no memory of her. I can't even call her 'mum.' And she is a nice woman, I feel guilty that I am hurting her.

"I'm sorry," I say, but apologies will never be enough. They will not bring her daughter back.

"Don't be, Leah," Sue looks me straight in the eye. "It's not your fault, and I will never be angry with you." She smiles reassuringly, and I can't help but smile back.

Dr. 'call me Carlisle' Cullen comes in a minute later. He checks my blood pressure and temperature, then says something abot everything being in order.

"Doctor," I hesitate. "What happened to me? Why did I lose my memory?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you," he sighs. "You have to remember these things yourself, Leah. I have done brain scans, and there is no permanent damage. There is no physical reason as to why you lost your memory. Its purely mental. You're memory will come back to you...eventually."

I sigh, because I have heard all this before. I wonder what it means, that my amnesia is "purely mental." Is it some kind of repression? What could have happened to me that was so bad, that I repressed my whole life?

***

I am alone for the first time all day. The man, Charlie, has taken Sue out for a while. I had to promise her I would ring her if I remembered anything. Seth...my brother (?) and Jacob come in and sit on the sofa in my room.

"How are you?" Jacob asks, looking concerned.

I shrug. "I'm okay, except I still don't remember anything." Seth and Jacob are both nodding, like they understand. Which they don't.

We sit in silence for about 10 minutes. Jacob and Seth keep looking over at each, shrugging, and doing that thing people do, where they have conversations only moving their faces and using gestures. Amazing, I can remember thiose weird conversations, but I can't remember my own mum.

Eventualy, Jacob speaks."Leah, do you remember anything about the pack?"

"What? A pact? I don't remember..." I shrug.

"No..the pack!" Seth exclaims. I look at him blankly. "Leah, what are you?" he asks, exchanging glances with Jacob.

"I..." I feel hurt by that question, it's not my fault I can't remember. "I don't know what you mean," I say. "I'm a girl...?" I lie back on the bed, studying the ceiling. There are 57 tiles, but I already know that.

"Leah," Jacob grins slyly. "Dyou believe in werewolves, and vampires and stuff like that..?" He nods at Seth, and Seth grins too. Well, that's it then. They're both mad. They are both totally insane.

I think the look I gave them sums up my conclusions about them. "No," I say. "I'm not an idiot. I havn't suddenely become a 5 year old, or gone crazy."

"This is bad..." Jacob leans back on the sofa, and watches me. "You are so screwed if you get mad," he starts laughing, and so does Seth. I glare at them.

"No, come on, Jake," Seth attempts to control himself. "This isn't funny. She thinks..." they both collapse into laughter again, and one of the Cullen girls walks in. Bella, I think her name is.

"What's so funny, then?" she asks, staring at Jacob and Seth.

"I'll tell you later," Jacob promises, as he stops laughing.

"Right, whatever," she shrugs. "Jake, Nessie wants you." Nessie. The name I hear spoken often, but I have yet to meet this girl. From what I can tell, she is a child, who has some sort of special attachment with Bella, Edward and Jacob. Jacob and Seth leave the room. After asking me how I am, and if I've remembered anything yet, Bella leaves too. I am alone again.

Alone with only my thoughts, and lack of memory. It's so frustrating, and scary, not knowing anything about who I am. Because inside me, there is something, something I can remember, but I...I can't. It's a name, I'm almost sure of it. It's on the tip of my tongue, but I can't grab it. It's like when you want to remember the name of a song, or film or something, and you know you know the answer, but you can't find it in your head. I've racked my brain for hours trying to remember, but no matter how hard I try, I can't. And it's driving me insane.

I haven't told anyone,but I do remember something about my life. I remember just before I lost conscinceness. But, I don't remember what happened. I remmeber darkness, being blind almost.

And I remember pain. Not physical pain, worse. Emotional pain, that hurt more than anything physical ever could. It's like a thousand knives being stuck into my heart. It's a numbness. Last night, I felt that pain again, and it was the most awful agony I have ever experienced. It was like there was an emptiness in my chest, a void. And I wanted to scream, and cry and shout, to try and get rid of it. But it doesn't work.

This is the only detail of my past life I can remember: pain. I wonder, what kind of life did I have, that that is the last thing I felt, the only thing I can remember. And I wonder, do I really want to remember my life? Do I really want to know what happened?

Because that feeling, the pain, the agony, it was awful. I don't know, but I wonder, may be it was my fault I lost my memory. May be I did this to myself? May be I did something...to end the pain.

I can't tell these people about the pain, they wouldn't understand. Because it's not so much a memory, I still can't remember anything about my life. And I know that telling Sue- my mother, I know that it would hurt her. And, I am hurting her enough already. She doesn't need to know.

I will keep that memory, the pain - I'll keep it to myself for now.

***

"Good morning, Leah," Sue arrives early the next morning. She asks me if I can remember anything, and suddenely I realise I can.

Night after night of dreamless sleep, but last night was different. I remembered something. The name, the name that was on the tip of my tongue, it came to me. I remember the name.

"Sue," I say. "Who is Connor? Connor Johnson?"

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**AN: I think this chapter is quite long, that's why it took me a while to update. and i've been busy, what with it being near chrsimas. I probably won't update again until boxing day, but I might tommorow.**

**as always, please please please reveiw, and thanks for reading!**

**merry christmas everyone! or whatever else you celebrate. :)**


	5. first memory

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Disclaimer: you know what i'm going to say.

**A****N: Sorry it took so long to update, it's just because it's around Christmas. Plus with only one computer and 5 siblings, its hard to get on. I promise I'll tyr to update, say 2 or 3 times a week at leats. Once again, sorry!**

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"Who?" Sue looks at me blankly. "I don't know, honey."

"But," I sigh. "I need to know ho he is!" The frustration I have bottled up over the past week escapes, and I become more and more agiatated. "Sue, I need to know! Who is he? Who is Connor Johnson?"

She continues to look at me blankly. "I don't know any Connor Johnson. Leah, why do you need to know? Where did you hear that name?"

"I...I remember it," I say, and her eyes widen with excitment. She looks at me to continue. "I remember the name Connor Johnson, and I need to know who he is."

"Do you remember anything else?" she says, and I shake my head. Sue is dissapointed. She takes a deep breath, and watches me silently. Then she shouts. "Dr. Cullen! Dr. Cullen! Leah remembered something."

The doctor walks in, and looks at me. "What do you remember?" he asks.

"Just a name. Connor Johnson?"

He shrugs. "Do you know who he is?"

I shake my head. "I don't know anything about him...I just remember the name. But I need to know who he is, I have to know. It's important."

"Well, we'll just have to find out," he says.

***

Sue has left for some lunch, and I am alone when the door knocks. A tall, handsome, muscular man who looks to be in his late twenties walks in. He is fallowed by a small, pretty, young woman. The first thing I notice about her is the scars on her face. She notices me staring, and looks away, embarassed.

"Leah," the man says. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry!"

"Umm," I pause. "I'm okay, I suppose. Thanks. And..." I don't quite know what he is apologising for.

"Have you really lost your memory?" the girl asks.

I nod. "I don't remember anything." The man tries to hide a smile, as he beaths a sigh of relief.

"I'm Sam," he says. "We were..friends." He holds out my hand, and I shake it.

"I'm Emily," the girl smiles at me. "I'm your cousin."

I nod. Then Sam clears his throat. "So you really have no idea what you are..?"

What I am? What the hell does that mean? I frown, then shake my head. He pauses.

"Well, umm, I'm gonna go, if that's okay," he says. "I'm going to talk to Jake 'n' Seth, I'll call in before I leave."

"Okay then," I say. "Err, thanks fpor coming." I'm glad he is leaving. Although he hasn't done anything, I feel a strange sort of emptiness around him.

He walks out, and Emily comes and sits by my bed. "So how do you feel?" she asks. She hands me a bunch of flowers, and some grapes. "We got these for you, me and Sam."

"Thanks," I say, and take them from her. "And thanks for coming."

"Well, we had to see if you were alright," she says. "I am sorry, Leah." I frown. "But, anyway, I suppose this is a fresh start. I hope we can be friends."

"Me too," I smile. It seems the appropriate thing to say, and I mean it. Emily seems like a really nice girl.

"Well, I'm gonna go," she gets up. "It was nice seeing you, Leah, and I hope you're okay. Bye." She heads out.

"Wait!" I say. "Do you know who Connor Johnson is?"

She frowns. "No." And she is gone, and I am alone again.

Suddenely, the room begins to spin, and I feel myself falling.

_I am in a small room. It is brightly decorated and there are pictures on the walls. I recognise this chil'd bedroom as my room. I am playing with a doll and a teddy when a man comes in._

_"Guess what, Leah!" my daddy says._

_I put down the teddy, but I clutch the doll close. "What I ask?"_

_"You know Mummy went away for a few days," he says. "She had a baby. Remeber I told you about the baby? You have a new baby brother, Leah!"_

_I nod, but I don't fully understand. "The baby in mummy's tummy? Did it get out?" Daddy laughs, and nod. He takes my hand, and tells me we are going to the hospital._

_We get into a car, and my daddy straps me into my seat. I talk to my doll, Dolly, all the way to the hospital. Daddy lifts me out, and we walk towars the building. Its a big building, building than any I have ever seen before. It smells funny inside the hospital. We climb up lots of stairs, until we finally go into a room._

_There are lots of beds and curtains, and ladies and baloons. I see my mummy at the bottom of the room. I run down to her. She is holding a little tiny baby. _

_"Hello Mummy," I say. "Hello Baby."_

I am back in the bed in the Cullens house. I look around confused, but there is no doubt about it. The woman, mummy was Sue.

"Mum," I shout at the top of my lungs!

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**Thanks for reading, and please please please reveiw!**

**:)**


	6. Aware?

**Disclaimer: no i'm not SM, just a huge fan. i'm reading the Host atm, its amazing! Who agrees? **

**AN: 1. sorry 4 not updating that often. 2. there were a lot of mistakes in the last chapter, i was rushing. so, sorry bout that as well. 3. thanks anyone who read, and reveiwed! that makes me so happy. 4. the next few chapters wont be as angsty as some other chapters have been. lol. and leah is begining to regain her memory. I won't be writing down ever memory she has, just the main ones. not so much main ones even, just memories to show what her life was like. so umm thats it. lol. moving on...**

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"Mum," I shouted again, and she ran into the room.

"Leah?" her face was a mixture of confusion and hope.

"I remembered...something," I whisper. Her face lights up, and she nods at me to continue. "I...I must have been about 3, and I was playing in my room," I say. "A man came in, my Dad, and he took me to the hospital to see you. It was the day..Seth was born."

"That was over 17 years ago," Mum says. Then she grins. "You remembered something!" I think she is in shock or something. I nod, and smile. Then, a thought occurs to me.

"Mum?" I say. "Where is my Dad?"

She looks at me sadly, and I think I may already know. "Leah, I'm sorry," she whispers. "I don't know if, if I can tell you. Dr. Cullen said you have to remember yourself..." she trails off. I nod, I understand. He is the doctor. And, my dad isn't here. Why? I don't think there is a happy reason. I...I think it would be painful for my mum if she had to tell me why he wasn't. She's just beggining to get her daughter back. I'm not going to ruin her hapiness now.

"That's okay," I say, then I change the subject.

***

I get up for the first time today. I could have gotten up days ago, but Dr. Cullen insisted I rested. I walk into the kitchen to have dinner. Strangely, only me, Seth, Jacob and my mum are eating. The Cullens have all eaten already, they tell me. Whatever, it doesn't matter.

I eat the food quickly, it tastes great. Really great, Esme is an awesome cook. She watches me anxiously as I eat, as if waiting for my approval. Weird. "This is really good," I tell her.

I walk around the house after dinner. It is huge! I had no idea the Cullens were so rich! I suppose the designer clothes and fancy interior of my room should have been some clue, but this house? It was breathtaking. I cant even begin to describe it. Lavish furniture, real paintings on the walls. Extravagant decor. Whoever designed it must have been an interior designer.

"No, it was just me," Alice tells me. She seems quite nice. She's always hyper, but she's really friendly. Her sister, Rosalie isn't. She was in my room once, and the whole time she had an expression like..like there was a bad smell under her nose. Although, to be honest, I know how she feels. I feel awful even thinking it. So guilty. They've been so hospitable to me, and so kind. But, the fact is, the Cullens stink!

I go into the sitting room, and instantly I feel cheated. I thought the TV in my room was awesome. But a 32 inch plasma screen? What I would not have given for that! The whole room looks like it belongs to millionaires. It probably does. The walls are painted a pale cream, but there are pictures on every wall. Framed photos of the family, and real, beautiful paintings. There is an old, antique piano in the corner of the room, and a huge wooden bookcase, filled from shelf to shelf with all sorts of books. In the middle of the room is a luxiouris cream leather sfa that I can't wait to sit on.

I sit down beside Jacob and he grins. "Finally out of that room then?" I nod. "And you remembered something," he adds. "Exciting." I nod again. I look over at the TV, there is a basketball game on. I sigh, I hate basketball. At least, I think I do...

I look round the room. There is one thing that puzzles me about this house. This house should be really brightly lit, because it is surrounded by windows. But, there are huge curtains covering every inch of window. And, they are all the same. I mean, the curtains- they aren't hideous. But they just don't match up with this beautiful house. Why are the covering all the windows? Blocking out the sunlight?

I don't know. There's something weird about the Cullens, no doubt about it.

"Jacob," I say. "Do you know Connor Johnson?"

"Who? Oh, is that the name of the guy you... remembered?" he looks at me confused, and paused "Leah, you don't know a Connor Johnson. Believe me, I would know if you did."

I don't know what to think about that strange comment. It's weird, but I don't remember what sort of relationship we had. But I do remember Connor Johnson, and it's killing me not knowing who he is.

"I'll tell you what," Jacob grins. "Later on, we'll go on the internet and see if we can find any idea who this Connor guy is?"

"Thanks, Jacob," I say, and I wish frantically that I'm able to find him.

Suddenely, without warning the room gos black.

_Next thing I know I'm in my bedroom. It's pitch black, and I feel afraid. What is that suspicious figure beside my wardrobe. Then, I remember what day it is. Suddenenly, the figure doesn't seem so scary anymore. I jump out of bed, and I run out of my room. I run straight into my parents room._

_"Mummy! Daddy!" I shout as loudly as I can._

_"Leah, it's 6am," Mummy yawns. _

_"But it's Christmas," I insist. "Seth has to come and see what Santa Claus brought."_

_"Come on then," Mummy says. She gets up, and then Daddy does too. Mammy lifts up Seth. He is soo tiny. I'm not allowed to hold him. I told Mummy I can, because I can hold Dolly, I'm good at minding Dolly. But she still says no. So I just talk to Seth. But he never talks back. He sleeps a lot, and I have to be quiet. _

_We go downstairs and I see lots of presents under the tree. I run over, and pick the biggest one I can find. It's hard to pull of the pink wrapping paper, but I do it all by myself. I'm a big girl! I look at the box. It's a pram, to push Dolly in. Dolly will be soo happy. I can't wait to tell her..._

_***_

_"Daddy, where are we going?" I say. Mummy is pushing Seth in the pram. I don't have a buggy anymore, I walk all by myself! Daddy is pulling these things behind him. Wheel-Bags. They are big bags, full of clothes, with wheels and handle bars. I forget what Mummy and Daddy call them. Soupfaces, i think.. _

_"We're going on holiday," Daddy says. "To a country called Italy."_

_"What's that?" I say._

_"It's a country across the sea. We have to fly on a big aeroplane!" Mummy says. An aeroplane? Then I remember, an aeroplane is one of those little things that flies up in the sky. How will we fit in that?_

_But it's not a little aeroplane, it's a big massive aeroplane. I thought it was a bus, but Daddy told me it was a plane. I had to wear my seatbelt when we took off, and it was scary. The aeroplane made a big loud noise and we started going up in the sky. We're on top of the clouds, Mummy says. I look out the window, and see lots of white things on the ground. I don't think they are clouds, because clouds are gray...and they're up high on top of me. Silly Mummy._

_It's really warm in Italy, but i like it, because I get ice cream every day! We went to a beach, it was so cool. There is water and sand, all on the ground. There is lots and lots of water, even more than there is in the swimming pool. I was scared to go in at tht start, but now I know it's fun, and I can't wait to go back to the beach! I love holidays!_

_***_

I open my eyes up, and I'm in my own room, well the room at the Cullens. Mum, Seth, Jacob and Dr. Cullen are watching me. How did I get here? Did I faint or something.

"What happened?" I ask.

"You fainted," Dr. Cullen said. "About 10 minutes ago. You were sitting in the sitting room, and you collapsed. We brought you in here."

"Oh," I say. Then, I remember what I saw when I was unconscience. "Mum?" I ask. She looks at me. "Did we ever go on holiday to Italy?"

"Yeah," my mum smiles. "You were four. You had a great time."

"I know," I say, and I notice a tear trickle down her cheek. "I had a great time." I tell her everything I remember. I actually remember a lot of my early life, but nothing beyond being about four.

"So you remembered more, then?" Dr. Cullen ask. I nod, and he continues. "Stop me if I'm wrong, Leah but this is all quite strange to me. First of all, you havn't been conscience for any of your memories have you? You don't remember, so much as you dream?"He pauses, and I nod, so he continues. "ALso, all your memories are returning to you in chronological order, that is, you started with what is probably your earliest memory, and the subsequent ones have all been gradually later." I nod again. "That's quite strange," he tells me. "It makes sense that you would regain your memories in that order, but that's not how it usually works. And the blackouts are quite alarming. I've never seen an amnesia case like this."

We are silent, taking in what Carlisle has just said. Then, Seth speaks up suddenely. "May be it's cos she's aware..." he trails off. Dr. Cullen is looking thoughtful, but Mum and Jacob glare at him.

"I'm aware of what?" I ask, not understanding. What am I supposodely aware of? I don't think I'm aware of anything much.

"Nothing," Jacob says quickly, and looks away. Okay, now this is weird. Why are they acting so suspicious??? But I don't have long to be suspicious because at that moment, a little girl comes in.

She looks to be about 5 years ols. She is the prettiest little girl I have ever seen. She is deathly pale, like the rest of the Cullens, and she has long ginger curls, the same reddish colour as Edwards. She walks over to Jacob.

"Look," she says, and touches his hand. 'What a strange child' I think. Then, her hand brushes mine, accidentely. And I scream, and scream and scream!

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**AN: for anyone who didn't get the 'aware' part, think about it carefully. Read what Seth said. Aand remember, this is told in Leahs POV, which means that aware could just be what she heard...**

**get it now? if not, just ask. :)**

**as always thanks for reading + please, please, please reveiw!**


	7. Angry

**AN: its been quite a while since i uploaded but anyway heres the next chapter! :) i actually wrote this a while ago, but it didn't save, and I had to write it all out again. which wasnt good. =/**

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Then, her hand brushes mine, accidentely. And I scream, and scream and scream! She pulls her hand away, and runs over to Jacob, looking incredibly guilty.

What the hell is that child? She touched my hand...and I saw something. An image, a memory. But it wasn't one of my memories, it was one of her own. It was something she'd seen, today. It was terrifying. That guy, Edward was in a forest - there was an animal. A deer, and he killed the deer and he..he drank its blood. The girl was trying to show it to Jacob, but I accidently saw it too.

What kind of monsters am I living with?

"Ness, it's okay," Jacob mutters to the girl. Mum, Seth and Carlisle watch me anxiously. There is a cough, and I look up. Edward and Bella are standing in the doorway. Bella runs over, and takes the girl from Jacob. Edward watches me.

_Monster_ I think. He nods, and looks away. Like..like he knows what I was thinking. Impossible.

There is a silence in the room, broken only by an occasional sob from the girl.

"Leah, what'd Renesmee show you?" Seth asks eventually. So that's who Renesmee is.

I inhale deeply, and stuggle to explain. "I saw..him...Edward...in a forest." I hesitate. "There was a deer..he was eating it...drinking its blood..." I stop, and look out the window towards the trees in the distance. _Is that where...? _More silence. Then I hear a cough, and glance over at my brother and Jacob. To my surprise, they are smirking, trying to supress laughter. "It's not funny," I hiss. "I know what I saw."

"We believe you, Leah," Jacob says with all the sincerity he can muster. "No, seriously, we do." I ignore him.

"Look, Leah," Dr. Cullen says cautiously. "I know what just happened must be very confusing for you...and you must be deperate for answers."

"You bet I am," I mutter.

"But I'm sorry," he continues. "Before you lost your memory, all this would have made perfect sense to you. You know we can't explain anything to your past from you - you need to remember it yourself. "

"You've got to be kidding me," I say, bitterly. Carlise shakes his head. "Why can't you tell me? This is just dumb."

"You have to remember your life yourself, honey," my mum says, gently. "The doctor says."

Everyone is watching me, in a solemn silence. Even Seth and Jacob. The girl, Renesmee is watching me, embarassedly. Edward is just staring. Why does he look like I'm talking to him - reacting? I'm not saying anything.

"I want to go home," I say. "I hate it here, I want to leave."

"I'm afraid thats's not possible," Mum says. "I'm sorry." She glances at Dr. Cullen quickly.

"Then, if I have to stay here, will someone please tell me what the f**k is going on!" I snap. I can't take this anymore. This whole family seems to be nothing but secrets and I don't want to have to remember. If I'm living with murderers, I want to know why! I notice Edward smirk. What the hell? It's as if he can read my mind.

"Leah, we can't tell you." Bella speaks for the fist time. I glare at her.

"Yeah, you can't tell me," I reply sarcastically. "But how do I know that? How do I know you havn't...I don't know..wiped my memory. As far as I can tell, at least one of you is a monster!"

"When you get back your memory, you're going to feel so stupid," Jacob smirks.

"Yeah, whatever," I retort. " 'Cos I feel so smart now! Stuck in this place, completely clueless. And you now what the worst part is? I'm the most normal peron here. I hate this place. Nobody will tell me anything, and eveyone is so f**king weird! Not to mention it stinks!" Everyone was silent while I spoke, and still are. Except for Seth and Jaocb, who started laughing hysterically when I said I sad that ut stinks. Is everything a joke to them?

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Dr. Cullen says cooly. "And I think we all agree that the sooner you get your memory back, the better."

"Yeah? Then just tell me," I mutter. I feel mysef shaking with rage, getting hotter, my blood boiling. I am so angry! Jacob looks over at me, then nudges Edward.

"Jasper, Get up here ow." Edward shouts. "Help me get her out of here!" he says to everyone else. Next thing, Edward, Jacob Seth and Dr. Cullen have all grabbed me, and are dragging me downstairs, with Bella and Mum following me. I struggle to escape their grasps, but I don't manage it.

They take me down to the garden. "Let go of me," I growl. Then, finally, I break free of their grasp. I look aound the garden. It's huge. The sun is shining brightly. I look around, and notice something very weird. The Cullens...their skin...it's glowing..sparkling.

Its the strangest sight I have ever seen. It would be beautiful, but...it makes me angry. It's like a gut instinct, an _animal _instinct..warning bells flashing inside my head...these..._creatures_...they're dangerous!

I snarl...and feel myself getting angrier, my blood getting hotter, my body shaking. Then..suddenely, I feel free...

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**umm, sorry, i dont think this chpt was very good. but anyway, the next one should be better. :)**

**thanks for reading, and as always**

**please please please reveiw. [tell me its crap if u want, idc. constructive criticsm is most welcome..lmao.]**

**3**


	8. Phase

**Thank you everyone who has read, subscribed and favourited my story! thanks as well anyone who reviewed: AdaLovelace, ari1190, sailor alpha tomboy, mizz sahurr and sparechange1244! u guys are awesome! [sorry if i got your name wrong!]**

**disclaimer: see previous chapters if u dont know what goes here...**

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_I snarl...and feel myself getting angrier, my blood getting hotter, my body shaking. Then..suddenely, I feel free..._

* * *

I feel relaxed, and calm now. But something is strange. I can see better now, and my sense of smell is so strong. I look down, and OH MY GOD!!!

I...I'm covered in fur...completely, I am standing on all fours...I'm not human. I'm a wolf. A werewolf. I don't know why, how, but I know it is what I am. I can't remember ever being a wolf in my life before, but I know I am a wolf. I am not surprised. It's just who I am. I wasn't surprised to be human, and I'm not surprised to be a wolf.

_So you phased, huh? _Jacob? Why...how can I hear him in my head? _We're a pack, we share the same thoughts._ Oh...kay... that's weird. _Anyway, Carlisle told me not to stay phases too long because he doesn't want you seeing your past in my head. _I growl angrily. _So, Leah, dyou know how to phase back again? _I think about it for a minute, and I realise I do. _Well, don't phase yet! Go somewhere and hide...you uhh....ripped your clothes. _Oh. This wolf thing is gonna take some getting used to. I run over into the trees. Wow, I can run fast! Bella comes behind me, and sets some clothes down, then she goes back to her garden. I phase back again, and get dressed, then head back up to the garden.

I am a werwolf. A werewolf. What the hell? The sooner I get my memory back the better. I feel less angry now. I suppose I can't accuse everyone of being monsters now, if I'm one too!

"Leah, that was hilarious when you phased," Seth grins. I roll my eyes. Everything is hilarious where Seth is concerned.

"So," I say. "If I'm a werewolf, what are you guys?" Their response does not surprise me. I roll my eyes, and go back inside. Today has been an eventful day. The sun is now beggining to set, and the Cullens aren't so sparkly now. That spakling thing is really freaky!

***

_"Have fun, honey," Mummy says, and I walk into my classroom. I'm such a big girl now, I'm in kindergarden! There are so many little children here, I am going to have so much fun! The teacher is nice, I talked to her one other time._

_"Hello, I'm Kerry!" a little girl says to me. She has pretty hair. _

_"I'm Leah," I say quietly. _

_"Want to play in the house?" Kerry asks me. I nod my head, I does want to play. Kerry is the mummy, this boy called Kyle is the daddy and I get to be the little girl. It is good fun. I like kindergarden! Kerry is my best friend now!_

_***_

_It's nearly Halloween, and I can't wait. Mummy says me and my cousin, Emily can go trick or treating. I can't wait. I 'm going to dress up as a werewolf! I have to go to kindergarden today. _

_I walk into school. I got a new lunch box at the weekend, it has a wolf on it. I love wolvers, they are so awesome! I am walking down the corridor when these two big boy come over to me. They is in second grade, I think. One is called Paul and the other one is called Timmy. _

_"Hello Leah," Paul says. I don't say anything, I don't like talking to the big children. Then Paul grabs my lunch box. I try to take it back, but he holds it up too high and him and Timmy laugh. I feel like crying, but then they will think I'm a cry baby and laugh at me. _

_"Give it back! Give me it," I say, but they don't, they just laugh more. I don't like this, I hate it when people are mean to me. I do start to cry a little but, and they just laugh more. I want my lunch box back. _

_"Hey! Give that back," another boy in second grade comes and takes the lunch box off Paul, then he gives it to me. Timmy and Paul run away. _

_"Thank you," I say. _

_"That's okay," the boy says. "If those boys are mean to you again you should tell a teacher."_

_"Okay," I say. "What's your name?" I ask the boy._

_"Sam," he says._

_***_

I wake up the next morning, and get up out of bed. Then I head downstairs. Only me, Mum, Seth and Jacob are having breakfast, the Cullens have already eaten.

When I have eaten, Jacob says to me, "Here, Leah, dyou want to go and look that name up on the internet?"

"Yeah," I nod. Hopefully I can find out who Connor Johnson is, because it's really annoying me! I need to know who he is. Me and Jacob head to one of the rooms with a computer in it, and put the internet on: google.

Connor Johnson. Pages of results show up. I check every single one of them. But none are _the_ Connor Johnson. None of those people is who I am looking for. I try every possible spelling imaginable, but I don't find him. I sigh, and turn of the computer.

"Well, that was a waste of time," Jacob grins. "Oh well, may be one day you'll remember."

"May be..."

Just then, the door opens and Sam and Emily walk in.

"Hey Jake! Leah," Sam smiles. "Emmett let us in," he explains.

"Hi Jake, hello Leah," Emily smiles warmly. Me and Jaocb say 'Hi' back.

"Here Sam," I say. "Thanks for getting me my lunch box back!" I grin.

"Huh?" Sam is confused, and I laugh.

"When we were kids," I explain. "I'm starting to get my memory back."

"Oh," Sam seems taken aback, worried almost, but then he shrugs and smiles. "You're welcome, then."

"Anyway..." Jacob coughs. "Something you wanted to discuss, Sam?"

"Yeah," Sam says. "C'mon outside." They leave.

"So how are you?" Emily asks.

"I'm okay," I say. "What about you?"

"I'm fine," she replies. "Emmett told me you phased yesterday?"

"Yeah," I nod. "So you know about all that werewolf shit?"

"Uh-huh," Emily says. "Sure, Sam is a werewolf too." Then she looks at me guiltily. "Oops. Carlisle told me I wasn't allowed to tell you anything."

"I don't think that'll matter," I reply, trying to reassure her. She relaxes.

We talk some more, and then go out and join Sam and Jacob. Emily and Sam are such a cute couple, they are so good together, and they love each other so much! Jacob notices me watching them, and narrows his eyes at me. I shrug, and look away.

***

I am sitting in the living room, when I realise something. I remember in one of my memories...I remember walking home from school. So, if I can find the school...I should be able to find my way home. I don't mind staying here anymore, but I want to go home. To see my home. I think it might help me to remember something.

"I'm going out," I announce, jumping to my feet.

"I'll come too," Jacob suggests, but I shake my head.

"No, I want to be alone for a while." Jacob shrugs, and I head outside. Edward hands me the keys to a car, and asks me do I know how to drive. Which I do. The keys are for an amazing yellow porsche, it's such a cool car.

And, I drive into LaPush, knowing exactly where to go. Luckily, the school is signposted so I find it quickly. I am about to go to my house, but bing back at school reminds me of a lot of memories...

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**AN: thanks 4 reading, and plase please please reveiw! :)**

**ok, also i need some help. i'm not from the US, i'm from Ireland. I don't understand how you school system works. So could someone please explain to me. Like, I have no idea what age you go to kindergarden at, or how grades etc work. So can anyone help. It'll help me when I'm writing the memories. Thank you! :)**


	9. My Life

**Disclaimer: If anyone still thought I owned these characters, I'm afraid you are an idiot. ;)**

**AN: All memories is this chapter, people. Might be a bit boring, but 'tis necessary lol. Btw, sorry fof taking so long 2 update, i have tons of coursework to do!**

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_"Hi, Leah," Sam says to me. Sam always talks to me, and he isn't mean like all the other boys in second grade. I'm nearly finished kindergarden now. It'll be the summer holidays soon. _

_"Hello," I say. "Want to see my picture I did?"_

_"Okay then."_

_"Look." I show Sam my picture._

_"It's good, but I can draw more better than you."_

_"Can't."_

_"Can."_

_Sam can draw better than me, but thats because he is bigger than me. I go into my classroom, and play with my best friend Kerry. Mummy says during the summer Kerry and Emily can come and stay. I can't wait!_

_***_

_Me and Seth get on the bus. Seth is in kindergarden, and I'm in third grade now. I walk down the bus to sit beside Kerry. But Emma Philips is sitting beside her, so I sit in front of them. _

_Emma started our school at the start of our year, and me and Kerry made friends with her. But now Kerry always sits beside Emma, and shares with Emma, and wants to be Emma's partner. And it's not fair, because I'm Kerry's best friend._

_Later that day, Emma has to go home sick, so me and Kerry are eating our lunch._

_"I wish Emma was here," Kerry says. "It's no fun without her."_

_"Yeah," I say, but I have more fun when Emma isn't here. Then I remember something. "Kerry, my mum says you and Emma can have a sleepover at my house on Friday!"_

_Kerry doesn't look excited. "Oh. But Emma is going to have a sleepover at my house on Friday."_

_"Oh. I'll ask my mum if I can stay over tonight then," I say._

_"No. My mum says only one person can stay over, and Emma is staying."_

_Then, the bell rings. Kerry and Emma are having a sleepover without me. But Kerry is my best friend! It's not fair._

_***_

_"Leah the loser," Naomi smirks to her friends and they laugh. _

_Naomi, Kate and Tracey are the prettiest, most popular girls in school. They're all cheerleaders, they're top of the class, they're rich, they're 're everything I'm not. And they hate me. They really do._

_I'm not pretty or popular, confident or outgoing. _

_Naomi is their leader, the meanest one of them all. She's ten, the same age as me. But she has a boyfriend, Jared Kelly, who's in junoir high! And Kerry told me Naomi's already kissed a boy! She hates me. She isn't mean to Kerry or Emma, but she is always mean to me. All the time._

_"Leave me alone," I say._

_"Or what?"_

_"Just leave me alone!" I repeat, my voice trembling._

_"Leah the loser!" Tracey laughs. "That's so funny, Naomi!"_

_"Yeah, hilarious," I say, sarcastically._

_"Where's Kerry and Emma?" Kate nudges her friends. "Oh, I know. Somewhere without you. Guess what Emma told me, Leah?"_

_"What?"_

_"She told me she didn't like you. She said you're a big loser, and her and Kerry wish you would leave them alone."_

_"Shut up," I say, and I run away, as far away from them as I can. I run into my house, tears streaming down my face. Did Emma really say that?_

_***_

_"Leah? Are you okay?" Sam chases after me, and grabs me by the arms. "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing," I say, but Sam looks me straight in the eye._

_"Leah, I know you were crying. What's wrong?"_

_"I don't want to go to juinor high." Tommorow is my first day at juinor high._

_"Is that all?" Sam grins at me. "Leah, don't worry! Junior high isn't so bad."_

_"What if nobody likes me?" _

_"They will. And anyway, you have Kerry and Emma!"_

_"No I don't. They're friends with Naomi and all now. They said when we start junior high I wasn't allowed to talk to them. They don't want to be my friends anymore."_

_"Well, you'll make new friends," Sam hugs me, tightly. "You don't need those b**tches. ANyway, I'll be there."_

_"Thanks, Sam," I say feeling a bit better. But not really._

_My so-called friends hate me. I have to start junior high on my own. And Sam'll be there. Which is good._

_But she'll be there too. Kiera. Sam's girlfriend._

_I don't want to see her with Sam. _

_I want to see me with Sam. Everytime I'm around Sam, he makes me feel better. He's always nice to me. He's a jock, I'm just a loser, but he doesn't care. He's kind, funny and I love him. I love Sam._

_***_

_I chose out my outfit for my thirteenth birthday party last night. A deninm mini- skirt, sparkly black top and black pumps. I can't wait. I think back to this time last year. I still missed my friend Kerry, and even Emma. I didn't really have many friends in junior high. But then, I realised that Kerry wasn't my friend, there were loads of nice people in my school. So, I started talking to the other girls in my school, and soon met some nice girls, who I had loads in common with. Real friends._

_I put my outfit on, and fix my hair. Ow! Burnt my hand on the straighteners. I can't wait for my party._

_Me, Emily, Clara, Brona, Sam, Josh and Ryan are going to the cinema, then the girls are coming back for a sleepover. I can't wait._

_Ryan Carlson is my boyfriend! We started going steady last month, and he is so amazing! He's really sweet, and kind and funny. Not to mention hot!_

_This birthday is going to be so much better than my last!_

_***_

_"I'm sorry, Ryan," I whisper._

_"Why, Leah?" he asks me, and I feel like crying when I see Ryan cry._

_"It's not fair on you," I say, hesitating. "The whole time we've been together has been amazing, Ryan. I like you, you're so amazing. But I don't love you. And I can't keep pretending. It's not fair on you."_

_"I thought we were happy together, Leah. Everything was going so well. I thought you loved me!"_

_"I know, and I'm sorry," Now I start crying as well. "This is why I have to end it now. Because the longer this goes on, the more it'll hurt."_

_"Is there someone else?" Ryan asks, increduously, angrily, but most of all hurt._

_"No," I sigh. "Not exactly."_

_"Well, what the f**k does that mean?"_

_"I never cheated on you, Ryan. Never." I insist. "But I..I'm in love with someone else. He doesn't know, and he has a girlfriend, and he never will know..." I feel my eyes well up again, but I blink the tears back._

_"So, why are you telling me this?" _

_"I want you to understand, to know the truth."_

_"I love you, Leah. Please don't do this."_

_"I have to. You'll find someone else, Ryan."_

_"I don't want anyone else."_

_"We're starting high school next week, Ryan. You'll be one of the hottest guys there! You could have any girl you want."_

_"I want you."_

_"I'm sorry, Ryan."_

_"Yeah," he says bitterly. "Me too."_

_"Ryan, please don't hate me." I say. "You're like my best friend. Please, don't hate me."_

_"I don't." Ryan says, as he walks away. When he's out of sight, I break down in tears. I've just dumped my first boyfriend; my boyfriend of almost a year; my amazing boyfriend, because I'm in love with a guy who'll never love me. I'm in love with Sam._

_***_

_"Hey, Leah," Sam waves at me in the corridor. I wave back. _

_"Hi" I reply._

_"You want a lift home from school today?"_

_"Yeah, please," I grin._

_"Well, got to go," Sam shrugs. "Mr. Heinz goes mental if we're late."_

_"Okay," I say. "See ya later!"_

_I meet Sam after school and we head over to his car. I see Ryan sitting with his girlfriend and I smile, and wave. I'm glad Ryan found someone, now I don't have to feel guilty about what happened last year._

_"So, how are you?" Sam asks me._

_"Fine," I say. We drive home, talking and laughing, as usual. Sam always gives me a lift home. My favourite part of the day._

_I wish I could tell Sam the way I feel about him. I should be able to. He broke up with his girlfriend moths ago, and he's been single ever sense. Why shouldn't I tell him?_

_Because, what if he doesn't feel the same way? I don't want to mess up the friendship we have. I don't want to lose Sam all together. I sigh, and look out the window. Hey, this isn't LaPush...this...this is Portlands we're heading to._

_"Umm, Sam," I say. "Where are we going? Why are you kidnapping me?"_

_Sam laughs. "Don't worry. It's a surprise. Don't get too excited, though," he adds._

_"Umm. okay," I reply. What the hell is going on?_

_We eventually arrive at a small resteraunt. "Coming?" Sam asks. I nod, unsure what I am agreeing to. He heads up towards the resteraunt, and goes inside. " I made a reservation earlier. Uley? Sam Uley?" he says. The waitress nods, and leads us towards a small table in the corner. We sit down and she hands us a menu._

_"Uhh...Sam?" I pause. "What's going on?"_

_"Clara came and told me today," Sam said. Clara? What did she tell him? Oh my God, please tell me she didn't tell him I was in love with him. But if she did...then what was all this???_

_"What did she tell you?"_

_"That...you like me..." Sam looks me in the eyes. "Is that true?"_

_"Umm...I..." I stop._

_"I like you too, Leah," Sam says. "In fact, I love you. I have for a long time now..."_

_"What?" My heart skips a beat, I gasp, I can't breath. I feel butterflies in my stomach, but it's the good kind. Sam loves me? "I love you too, Sam" I whisper._

_But Sam doesn't reply. Instead, he leans closer to me, I feel his breath on my nech, I can smell his cologne. And then, I can feel his lips no mine. And it feels magical._

_***_

_I don't understand. Sam's being really weird lately. We've been going out two years now, and I love him more than anything else in the world. But he's being really distant. I haven't seen him in two weeks, he hardly ever answers my calls. Why is he ignoring me? He disspapeared for over a month not long ago._

_Last time I saw him, he looked so different. Bigger, stronger, older._

_I don't understand why._

_***_

I wake up, my head resting on the steering wheel of the yellow porsche. The memories stop there. I can remember my entire life, up until that day, when Sam is being so strange.

My life. It was so...hard. So many bad things, but then Sam made everything better. And I don't remember what happened after that point.

Something awful, worse than everything else in my life. I don't remember, but I know.

Sam was becoming a werewolf, like I am. And he dumped me for my friend, my cousin Emily. How could he do that to me?

And the worst part is, I don't remember. I don't have the memories of Sam hurting 's a huge blank spot in my memory. So my only memories of Sam are the good memories.

I'm still in love with Sam.

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**AN: thanks for reading! please, please please reveiw! thats nearly all her memories back. btw, she remembers her entire life [well, most of it] but i didnt write her entire life story. i just wanted to give a general gist of her life. you people have imaginations. ;)**


	10. My life sucked

**AN: soo sorry i havent updated in aages. oh well, heres an update now. :]**

**disclaimer: we all like to pretend that w hate disclaimers, but i know everyone secretly enjoys coming up with the witty sarcastic disclaimers. lol. ;)**

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_I wake up, my head resting on the steering wheel of the yellow porsche. The memories stop there. I can remember my entire life, up until that day, when Sam is being so strange._

_My life. It was so...hard. So many bad things, but then Sam made everything better. And I don't remember what happened after that point._

_Something awful, worse than everything else in my life. I don't remember, but I know._

_Sam was becoming a werewolf, like I am. And he dumped me for my friend, my cousin Emily. How could he do that to me?_

_And the worst part is, I don't remember. I don't have the memories of Sam hurting 's a huge blank spot in my memory. So my only memories of Sam are the good memories._

_I'm still in love with Sam._

I don't want to go back to the Cullens house. I just want to go back to my own room, in my own house. I always felt safe there. I know how to get to my house, I don't even have to think about it. I switch in the engine, and begin to drive to my house. Why wasn't I allowed to come here before? Were they worried my memory would come back too quickly or something?

I pull up into the driveway of my home. Ive missed the small white bungalow. The keys are under the mat, like I knew they would be. I have to shove the back door with my knee to open it, and turn the key twice to lock it. I remember this. I step inside, and the house feels empty; desolate. A bit creepy almost, but I don't care. I'm not scared. This is my house.

My room. Light blue walls, a cream carpet, blue bedspread, and white furniture. There is some posters of my favourite bands. A framed picture on my bedsite cabinet: me with my dad, when I was 14. What happened him?

I open up my wardrobe, finally, I can wear my own clothes. Jeans and a hoodie. Alice never leant me anything so 'boring.' As I change into my own clothes, I realise something. When I was younger I kept a diary. But what if I kept one when I was older too? May be I can't remember what happened, but I might be able to find out...

I hoke under my bed...junk, junk and more junk. Then I find it. The shoebox I've kept all my secret stuff in since I was 10 years old. I pull it out, then sit up on my bed. I open it. The first thing I see is a pice of paper, scribbled messy writing, tearstained. There is a date on top...two days before I woke up! I read the page quickly.

_I've done it. Taken them. All one hundred of them. I've beem collecting them for a year, not knowing if I would ever use them, if it would ever get that bad. But it did. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing Sam with her, day after day. It was too painful, it hurt too much. I thought that one day the pain would go away, but it doesn't. But now...now I'm free. I took all the pills. Soon, soon I'll be free from the hurt and the pain and the suffering. Just a few more minutes.  
Why aren't these f**king things working? 'Cos I'm a bloody wolf now I can't kill myself.  
Oh God, why did I do this? I'm scared. I don't want to die. It would have gotten better, I could have left...I shouldn't have done this.  
If you ever find this, mum, Seth, I love you. Im sorry. But I couldn't bear to live like this anymore...  
Goodbye._

Oh. My. God. I tried to kill myself. I tried to kill myself. That horribe, unbearable pain I've felt a few times, I must have been like that all the time. So, I tried to end my life. Why did nobody tell me? I suppose, what do you say? I..oh my god! What else is in this box? Do I want to know? What happens when my memories come back? Will I be depressed; suicidal again? I don't want to feel like that.  
I can't kill myself again, no matter what. I was given another chance to live my life, I can't waste it. Oh God....

I look at the next thing in the box. A laminated card, with a picture of my Dad in it. And a prayer inside. And two dates. 21st of October, 1968. My Dad's birthday. And 14th June 2006. The day my Dad...died. He died.

I guess I already knew what happened. Why else wouldn't I have seen him. Why else wouldn't he care about me? But to see it here, in black and white; proof. My Dad is dead. Gone. I miss him. I remember my life with him. He was amazing. I miss him, I want my Dad back.

I can't help it. Most my life has come back to me. Most my life sucked. I just learned my Dad is dead. I'm in love with Sam, the boy who hurt me more than I can imagine, but I don't remember that. I only remember how to love him. I know I tried to kill myslef. Of course I can't help it. I put the box to the side, lie on my bed, and I cry. Cry harder than I can ever remember crying before in my life. All the emotion building up inside me come pouring out, in a steady flow of salty tears, and loud, bitter sobs. I cry.

***

I must have fallen asleep, I realise. My eyes are still red and puffy. I sit up, and look inside the box. A photo of me and Sam. Childhood photos. Cards. Letters. All my memories, stored away in this box. A letter from Sam.

_To Leah,  
Happy Birthday, babe. You'll get your present later today, and I know you'll love it.I can't wait to see you.  
I love you, Leah Clearwater. You're my life, without you I would die. Your're the best thing that ever happened to me.  
I'll never leave you. We'll be together forever.  
Everyday, I wake up, and I can't wait to get up so I can see you. Everyday is amazing with you.  
When you said yes last month, you made me the happiest man in the world. I swear.  
I can hardly wait until this time next year, when you'll make me even happier, and be my wife.  
I love you, Leah.  
You're the light of my life. The Spongebob to my Patrick. [I know it's your favourite show.] The Tigger to my Pooh.  
You're funny, smart, beautiful, incredible and I fall in love with you more everyday.__  
So happy birthday, babe. I hope you have a good one. I'll make sure you have a good one!  
I love you with all my heart, and I always will.  
Forever.  
Love, Sam.  
xXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXxo0oxXx_

"LIAR," I scream, when I finish the letter. Forever? No, he saw my cousin Emily, the he fell in love with her. Forever, my ass. Does he write Emily letters like this? Chessy, cliched...beautiful love letters? I would cry, but I have no tears left.

Diaries. The only thing left in the box. Does one of them contain the rest of my life? Those few missing years? I flick through them. No. It looks like I stopped keeping a diary when I was like 15. Typical.

What now? I don't know. Suddenely, I hear someone at the door.

"Leah?!" a voice calls out.

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**An: again, sorry for taking so long to update.  
this chapter is rather angsty, i'm thinking.  
sorry about that. lol.  
It's also not very long, but I'll updte again soon. I promise. :]**

**Please, please, please reveiw!!!! thankee youu. :]  
xoxo**


	11. Almost Done

**An: it took me a while to upload this chapter, i've been working on it a few days. Thanks everyone who reveiwd last chapter. :] enjoy!**

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I ignore it, figuring whoever it is is going to come upstairs anyway. Hopefully they'll just go away. Ha! Like I would be so lucky. Heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, knocking on my room door, opening it up and walking on it.

"You okay?" Jacob asks, sitting on the bed beside me.

"No." What's the point in lying?

"Wrong anwer," Jacob grins. "You're supposed to say you're fine, even if you feel like shit." He rolls his eyes.

"Sorry," I sigh.

"Leah?" Jacob pauses. "I was kidding before. So, what's wrong?"

I laugh, humourlessly. "What's right, Jacob?"

He doesn't know what to say. Of course he doesn't. Jacob Black doesn't understand pain, or hurt. I bet he's never been miserable before in his life. Sure, he's always happy. He looks around, shifty. "Umm, Leah..did you remember more of you're life?"

"Yeah." He wants to know more. "I remember everything. Almost. There's a blank from when I'm about eighteen. The last thing I remember is being freaked out, because Sam was acting seriously weird." I think for a minute. "I suppose he must have been changing into a werewolf?"

"Probably," Jacob nods, and I hear him couting silently. "Yeah, that would be about right. So, I suppose you're wondering what happened with you and Sam and Emily."

"Duh," I sigh. "Don't worry. I'll not make you tell me. I know you aren't allowed." I laugh, that same humourless, dry laughter again.

"Thanks," Jacob says. He shifts, and I there is a rustling sound. He gets up. It's a piece of paper. The suicide note.

"Oh my God," Jacob gasps. "Oh God, Leah, I'm sorry!"

"It's okay...I don't remember that anyway. Not yet, at least."

"I should have known. How didn't I know? I am so sorry, Leah!" He looks so concerned, so worried, so sincere.

"It's fine," I insist. Nothing is fine, but it's not Jacobs fault.

"So, umm, you want to come back down to the Cullens? Everyone's kinda worried, you were gone all night!"

"Whatever, come on," I shrug, and we head downstairs. "Jake?" I ask. "No offence, but like, what the hell is up with the Cullens? And, like, why dyou live with them?"

Jacob laughs. "It's complicated."

"Ha. I'll bet it is."

"Like I said."

"But, I thought you hated them? You did three years ago.."

"Yeah, I hated them for a long time. The Cullens are kinda like us werewolves' enemies."

I laugh, remembering an old legend my Dad used to tell me. "What, are they vampires or something?"

Oh, shit. That was not the reaction I was anticipating. Jacob is supposed to laugh, not look guilty and shifty, and oh my god - tell me it isn't true. "Jacob?" He doesn't answer.

"Please tell me I'm wrong...The Cullens aren't vampires...they can't be..."

He draws a deep breath in. "Shit. Carlisle is gonna kill me. Leah, please don't let on you know."

"The Cullens are vampires?" It doesn't make sense; its unbelievable, but, at the same time, it makes perfect sense. Of course. Why not? I'm a werewolf. They are really beautiful, and so pale. And there was that whole thing I saw a few days ago, when that weird kid touched me - that image of Edward killing that animal.

"Yupp," Jacob says. "They are. But I'm not saying anything else. I'm in enough trouble as it is."

"But I won't tell them, and you aren't going to..."

"Yeah, but Edward..."

"What about Edward?" He stopped suddenely.

"Nothing! Forget I said anything!"

"Jacob?" I narrow my eyes. "What if I forget, and accidently tell them I know their secret...? May be if you explained a couple of things, it might help me remember..."

"You're a manipulative bitch, you know that?" Jacob accuses, but he's laughing. He's not really angry. "I'l tell you then. What harm can it do. It's probably fairer that you know, anyway..."

"Just tell me!"

"Edward can read minds!"

"What?!"

"Edward can read minds?"

"What?!"

"Edward can read minds..?"

"You're lying..."

"Nu-uh," Jacob smirks. "It's really, really annoying, actually."

"So, Edward like, knows everything I've been thinking over the past couple of weeks..?" Jacob nods. Shit. Why did I have to look at Edward and think he was hot? This is embarassing. Seriously. I'll never feel comfortable at the Cullens again.

"So you gotta be careful what you think about it.."

"Couldn't you have warned me earlier?"

"You know what the doc said..." Jacob laughs. "Now come on, let's go."

So we go out, and get into the yellow porsche. Apparantly Jacob must have run here. God, he drives fast. And, then - I'm getting used to it now- everything goes black...

_***_

_"Sam?" There's got to be some kind of mistake. Right? Sam wouldn't do this, Sam loves me. But I can't even kid myself. My heart feels like it's being ripped from my chest. Because I can see him, there, in our meadow in the forest with another girl. They're talking and laughing and sitting too close to each other and... Sam swore that was our meadow, just for us!_

_Who is this girl? Why is she with him? But I already know. How can Sam do this to me. He swore he loved me, we were going to get married! He promised me. He told me he loved me. He lied._

_"Sam?!" I say, running towards him. I can hardly speak. "What're you doing?"_

_"Leah?" The girl turns around, and I feel sick to the stomach. She sits there, looking sweet and innocent, but I see the guilt in her eyes. And I hate her. Emily is my cousin. She was supposed to be my friend, one of my best friends. Well, she's not. She's a slut and I hate her. I hate the pair of them._

_"Oh God," Sam sighs. "Leah..I'm sorry..I can explain..."_

_"Then explain this for me, Sam." Silence. "Explain why you're in our meadow, looking all cosy with my cousin. You think I don't know what's going on. I'm not an i-" I stop and then the tears come. Idiot. I was going to say I wasn't an idiot. But I am. I believed everything he told me. "I believed you," I whisper. "You told me you loved me. We were planning to get engaged. But you were lying the whole time..."_

_A pained expression strikes ..her. Good, I want her to feel pain. "He wasn't lying to you, Leah."_

_"Oh really?" Sarcasm, now. "So what the hell are you two doing up here then. Having a picnic? Playing hide and seek? Planning me a surprise party? Yeah right..."_

_"No, we weren't doing that..." Sam says._

_"Too right you weren't. My slutty, trampy, bitch of a cousin was up her making out with my boyfriend."_

_"Now, wait one second, Leah..." Sam says angrily. But I don't wait one second. I raise my arm and slap her across the face. She steps back, and cries out in pain, clutching her face, glaring at me. Sam puts his arm around her; comforting her; glaring at me. My boyfriend and my friend stand holding each other and glaring at me._

_In that moment, I know my heart is broken beyond repair._

_"I'm not the bad guy," I stammer, through my tears. "Your the one who cheated, not me. I love you, Sam. I thought you loved me too, but I was wrong."_

_"I'm sorry, Leah," Emily says, and I almost feel guilty when I see that she is crying too. Almost. "We never wanted to hurt you. You don't understand..."_

_"I know I don't," I don't deny it. Of course I don't understand. "You never wanted to hurt me? Then, why the f**k did you get together?!" They shift guiltily._

_"Leah, I really am sorry." Sam reaches out, and awkwardly touches my shoulder. 'Like we havn't been a lot closer before,' I think bitterly. He looks me in the eye. "I did love you, Leah. I never lied. But...it's hard to explain. Me and Emily, we..." He trails off._

_"So, are we finished then?" I ask, and he nods sadly. "Fine then," I say. And I turn around, and walk away, leaving them in me and Sam's meadow. _

_And, as I walk off, I wish desperately that Sam would come chasing after me, begging me to take him back. I would. I would forgive him. Hell, I would even forgive her. I want him to come after me, and tell me he's sorry; that Emily was a mistake; that I'm the one he loves. I want him to go down on his knees, and beg for forgiveness. I want him to kiss me, like we have before, then I want us to go back to they way we were, before Sam started acting weird. I want to marry him, and live happily ever with me. As I leave the meadow, I want him to follow me. _

_But he doesn't._

_***_

_What's happening to me? These past few days, I've felt weirder than I can even begin to describe. I look around my meadow - my thinking spot. It used to be where I went with Sam, but of course that's all changed now. I wish I could forget, it was over a year ago. But I can't._

_I wonder, in vain, at what's happening to me. I swear, I've gotten taller in the past few days, and stronger. And hotter. Like temperature wise, not appearance. I don't know what's going on._

_Suddenely, the weirdest, stangest most indescribible feeling overcomes me. The whole world feels different, like I'm seeing it from a different angle. And I look down at my self...Oh my God. I'm...I'm...covered in fur??? What the hell? What's going on? What's happened to me? This isn't normal. This must just be some crazy dream, right? I begin to run, hoping the dream will change into something more normal. It doesn't. I crash into a that hurt! This is not a dream. Then, I catch a site of my(?) reflection in the stream. But, it's not me, is it? I'm...a wolf..._

_"Jesus Christ! Leah?!" someone says._

_Now I know I've gone mental. I'm hearing Sam's voice in my head..._

_***_

"Leah? Leah?" Jake shakes me, and I wake up and look at him. "Remember some more?" he asks and I nod. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I can nearly remember everything now. I remember...Sam dumping me, and the first time I phased, and my memory stops a ew weeks later."

"Before your dad died," Jacob mutters. "Sorry! I'm sorry, Leah, I..."

"Don't worry about it," I smile reassuringly. I'm feeling surprisingly calm, and content almost, considering the horrible memory I just remembered. And that day in the meadow was just the start. Every day after that was a living nightmare.

But, I wonder how much longer I can feel calm and content for. Because we're outisde the vampires' house. And so is Sam's black peugeot....

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**thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed it. please, please, please reveiw. I shall be very grateful!**

**:]**

**xoxo**


	12. My Whole Life

**An: it took me a while to upload this chapter, i've been working on it a few days. Thanks everyone who reveiwd last chapter. :] enjoy! I'm supposed to be doing coursework, so though I'd do this instead. It's a really long chapter. Show your appreciation in the form of reveiws!**

***Longest chapter I've ever written!* I hope it isn't boring.**

**Disclaimer: i forgot a disclaimer last time! oh no, somebody might have thought i was stepahnier meyer! i'm so sorry, i'm not1 i don't own any of these characters. i feel like i've lied to you all... forgive me! please!**

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Jake notices my reaction to Sam's car. He smiles, reassuringly. "It'll be okay."

"I know," I nod, then I take a deep breath, and get out of the car. We walk up the driveway, and I hear every cunch of the stones beneath me. Jacob opens the door with hesitation, and walks in. I stand in the doorway for a minute, then I walk inside. I hear them talking; my family, the vampires...and Sam. Then I brace myself, for what might be the worst confrontation of my life.

"Leah," Mum runs over and hugs me.

"I'm fine," I say, and attemt to escape her clutches. Seth smirks.

The Cullens are all in here. I swear, this family are too intersted in my well-being. Freaky vampires. Shit, Edward. Jake is gonna kill me...

I notice Edward watching me, and then I realise. I wasn't supposed to think about that. Oops. He whispers something to Carlisle, who looks at me and Jacob, and shakes his head in disbelief. Why is he so surprised Jacob did something stupid? Edward smiles slightly. I see what Jake means, about the whole mind- reading thing being incredibly irritating. Edward chuckes slightly, and I glare at him. I notice Jacob watching, laughing at out little exchange.

"Hi, Leah," Alice says brightly, and waves. "How are you?"

"Uhh..I'm okay, thanks," I reply, never quite sure how to respond to Alice.

"Good," she says, cheerfully. I notice her staring at me hoodie aand jeans. I get the impression she is not impressed with my outfit.

There is an unatural silence in this room, they are all staring at me. May be their waiting an explanation? "I stayed at my own house all night," I say. "And, I remembered...well I remember most my life now. Only a couple more years to get..."

"Well, that's good," Mum says.

"Right, everyone, let's leave the poor girl in peace," Esme says, ushering everyone out. Bella picks up that freaky kid, Renesmee. I swear, that kid gets older everytime I see her.

"Daddy," Renesmee calls out, and Edward holds his arms out to her. Daddy? So Edward is that kids father? And judging by her appearence, Bella is the mom. But, Bella wasn't here like 6 years ago, and even if she was, she would have been like 12. That's weird. Freaky vampire stuff, I guess. But I thought vampires couldn't have children. Oh I dunno, I don't know anything anymore....

And then, everyone is gone, and I'm sitting all alone in a vampire's kitchen. Except, I don't get a chance to be alone for very long, becuase next thing, Sam is being dragged in her by Emily. Great. And I'd managed not to think about them; to ignore them since I came in. Couldn't they just stay away? Do they have to rub it in?

"Leah," Emily breathes, "I don't know exactly how much you remember but..."

"Oh, I remember enough," I say coldly, anger washing over me. Why is she trying to be nice? "Like, I remember how I liked Sam since I was a little kid. How I told you at a sleepover when we were about ten. I remember dating Sam, and feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. I remember we were planning to get married some day." I pause. "But that isn't all I remember, Emily! I remember walking up to me and Sams meadow, and finding you there with him. I remember how you both broke my heart!"

"Oh God, Leah I'm so sorry," Emily sighs. "But we imprinted. It wasn't our faults."

"I know," I say, and then, like I haven't cried enough already, more tears begin to fall. "I know it wasn't your fault. And that's what makes it so hard..."

"Leah, I never wanted to hurt you," Sam puts his arm around me. I haven't felt his touch in such a long time: it's just an innocent, comforting gesture, but I wish I could stay like this forever. "I loved you, but when you imprint...I never stopped loving you, Leah. I just stopped being in love with you. I still care about you, and I'm so sorry I hurt you. And don't blame Emily. She tried to fight what we were feeling for weeks, becuase she didn't want to hurt you..."

"Why did you never tell me this before?" I ask. Because, may be their just making up bullshit to stay out of trouble; to stop pathetic Leah trying to kill herself again.

"You wouldn't listen before," Emily says, simply. "You didn't want to know."

And she's right. I didn't listen, I didn't want to know before. I was only interested in hating her, and pining over Sam. But somethin has changed. Those few weeks I spent without my memory, when I got to know Sam and Emily without knowing our history, well something changed. But I'm only just realising now. Something I should have realised a long time ago.

Whenever I see Sam, when I'm around him, when I talk about him, when I think about him, I feel this indescribable pain and emptiness, like my heart is being torn in two. But I don't think that Sam is the cause of that pain. I think I would feel like that anyway. And I think Sam is just a way of...expressing those feelings. It's hard to explain. It's like I need to cry, and Sam gives me a reason to cry. But if I'm being honest, and it's time I started being honest to myself, I got over Sam years ago. I just clung on to the memory of our break-up. What causes the pain when I think of Sam is not some desire to be with him, but just the memory of how much he hurt me. It's like when you remember something traumatic from when you were like3 or 4, and you find yourself nearly crying. The traumatic thing doesn't bother you anymore, it's just the recollection of how it made you feel. And my traumatic memory is Sam. Which is why those few memory-less weeks were so useful, they helped me to realise that.

Not that it helps. Knowing that Sam isn't making me depressed doesn't make it go away.

But at least now I can try to stop obsessing over him. Hell, may be we could even be friends? But that might be difficult. It still hurts when I see him. But I don't hate him, and I'm not madly, head over heels in love with him anymore. Although, I think there will always be a part of me that wil be just a tiny bit in love with Sam Uley.

And Emily. My cousin, who over the years, has been nothing but kind to me, who cared about me, my best friend. And I pushed her away over something she couldn't control. May be it;s time I cut her some slack?

It's going to be difficult, but I think I'm finally starting to forgive Sam and Emily. So, I wiggle out from under Sam's arm, and smile at them I walk towards the door. "I'm sorry,"I whisper, as I walk out, and I know they understand.

***

The next few days nothing much happens: I hang around with Seth and Jake in the Cullens; go into LaPush for a while, just general nothingness really. I remember some more of my life. Bella is pregnant with that weird kid, and I've left Sam's pack to join Jacob and Seth. It was such a relief to get away from Sam. It's weird, I had a little bit of a crush in Jake back then. What happened?

I remember something else too - I'm supposed to hate the bloodsuckers. But I don't. I had no reason to hate them before, so why would I hate them now. Since I woke up, it's almost like I'm a different person. And anyway, I can't hate the leeches. I owe my life to them. Well to one of them, anyway. Carlisle saved my life, and I'll be eternally grateful to him for that. He gave me a second chance.

I'm getting another chance to live my life, with what I hope is a healthier outlook on it all. I made a mistake, trying to kill myself, it was so dumb and I'm definately not going to try it again. I'm still kinda messed up, I'm not completely happy, but I realise what a gift my life is.

"Yo, Leah, what you doing?" Jake wonders into the sitting room, and interrups my thoughts.

"Just thinking," I reply,

"Oh, okay," Jacob grins. "Don't hurt yourself."

"I'll try," I respond, rolling my eyes. The feeling bored I say, "Here, Jacob, you want to go out somewhere tonight?" Then, so he doesn't get the wrong idea..."Seth too."

He thinks for a minute. "Yeah, sure. There's a new club opened up in Portlands, we could check it out?"

"Okay," I nod.

Then, a few hours later, we're ready to leave. Alice lends me a black mini-dress. It's really pretty actually. She lends me black stilettos too, which will no doubt leave my feet in agony before the night is over. Oh well. I let her do my hair and make up, and I must admit, when she is threw with me, I don't look half bad.

When we arrive at the club it's packed. A lot of the people are clearly underage. The music is too loud, and already my feet are already killing me. But a couple of drinks -quite a lot actually, it takes a few for it to have any effect on a werewolf- later, and i'm actually having quite a good time.

I'm sitting at the bar waiting on Jake to come back from the toilet (we kinda lost Seth) and this guy walks over to me.

"Hey, babe," he says, sitting beside me. I raise an eyebrow. "Can I get you a drink?" he asks. I hold up the glass I have, which is almost full. He nods. "Oh right. Well, I'll wait to you finish that one, then?"

"Whatever," I shrug. He leans closer to me, and I take a better look at him. Tall, about 25, quite tanned, short black hair, muscles..I suppose he isn't bad looking. But, I don't know if I'm ready yet.

"So...? " he says. For someone who came walking over here, full of confidence, he doesn't have much to say. I look blankly at him. And then he kisses me. Attacks me, almost. I suppose I kiss him back just a bit. I mean, I havn't kissed many people since Sam. But, he's too rough, desperate, forcing his tongue in, and he is not a good kisser. He licks my chin as I pull away. Gross.

"You want to dance?" he asks. I shake my head, kind of hoping he'll go away. But he doesn't. Instead, he grabs me, and pulls me off my chair, leading me towards the dancefloor. I would be strong enough to push him off me if I wanted. But I don't. I don't fancy this guy, but I just want to prove to myself that I'm over Sam. So, we dance and I let him kiss me a couple more times. That's when he suggest going back to his place. I'm not an idiot, I guessed that was all he was after...but I'm not a total slut. So, I tell him I'd rather not, he pretends not hear and starts walking towards the door, this time I do push him off me. I walk away.

I head over to the bar, where Jacob is sitting, talking to some girl. I feel sorry for her - she's flirting away and he is so clearly not interested. "Help," he mouths to me, and I laugh.

"Hey, baby," I say, sitting beside him. Then I glare at the girl. "Jake? Who is she?" The girl looks back from me to Jake, then picks up her bag, mutters something about leaving and runs off. We laugh.

"So where'd you dissapear to?" he asks.

"Uhh..some guy, like...I didn't want to hurt his feelings," I laugh.

"God, you have changed!" Jake teases. "Old Leah wouldn't have thought twice about hurting someone's feelings!"

"Yeah, well," I shrug, embarassed at how much of a bitch I used to be. "Anyway, this place sucks. You coming?"

"Sure," he nods, and we walk out. I grab my mobile out. "What're you doing?" Jake asks.

"Ringing Seth," I say. "Where is he anyway?"

"Dissappeared ages ago with some girl," Jake shrugs. "Never seen him so happy in all my life..."

"Seth is always happy," I say, then I realise. "Oh my God! Dyou think he imprinted?"

"Dunno. May be," Jacob grins.

"Wish I could imprint," I mutter.

"What?" Jake asks.

"Nothing...I just..." I pause. "Don't you ever want to imprint, Jake?" He is silent, like when I asked him were the Cullens vampires, almost like he has imprinted. Which, obviously he hasn't. The only girls he's around a lot are the bloodsuckers.

I think back to when I joined Jake's pack. To escape Sam. I remember a conversation we had then, about wanting to move on. I realise something else at that point. I think I might have just had the tiniest of crushes on Jake back then. Not that I wanted to admit it to myself then. And I think about how he's been there for me these past few weeks, and I think I might just have the tiniest crush on Jacob Black.

And, I dunno, I get a sudden burst of confidence, and I step towards him, close my eyes, lean in, and...

"Leah, what're you doing?" Jake interrupts me, stepping back. I've never been so embarassed in all my life. Then, wouldn't you know it, everything goes black.

_I bump into Sam and Emily. I'm in Walmart, getting some bread and milk for my mum, and I see Sam. He is holding hads with Emily, and they are talking and laughing. Why do they have to look so good together? Like they're made for each other. Well, I suppose they are. _

_"Hi Leah!" Emily smiles at me, so sincerely. Why does she have to be so God damn nice? I want to be angry with her, I want to hate her. But I can't. It's not her fault. I wish it could be me, holding Sams hand, planning our wedding. But, I don't hate Emily. I wish I was her._

_And Sam? He broke my heart, cheated on me, dumped me for another girl. But I can't hate him? How can I hate Sam? I love him. I love him so much it hurts and I can't take it anymore._

_"Hello Leah," Sam looks at me so pityingly, and I feel my heart break all over again. I manage to smile back, and say "hello." Then, I quickly walk away, to the fridge. I grab the milk, and pay, then I walk out as quickly as I can. Sam and Emily watch me pityingly for like a minute, then they go back to thei conversation._

_When I get home, I throw the bag into the kitchen and run up the stairs. My brother is watching me and I give him a dirty look. Then I run into my room, slam the door, and collapse onto my bed._

_I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be the pathetic saddo, who can't get over being dumped 2 yesrs ago. I don't want to be a miserable bitch all the time. I just want to be happy. I want to imprint, or fall in love. I want to get over Sam, but I can't. Nobody understands how I feel. Jacob was only who ever came remotely close to understanding how I feel, but then even he imprinted. So now I'm all alone. Jake is obsessed with the vampire kid, and Seth, well Seth, he's just happy all the time. And me, I just make them pissed off and annoyed, 'cause I'm always depressed. But, what nobody understands, is that I don't want to be like that._

_I don't want to be like that._

So that's it. I can remember my whole life. I know who I am. I remember it all. Everything will stop going black from now on. I've got my memory back. My name is Leah Clearwater, I'm 21 years old, and I can remember my life.

I'm in my bed at the Cullen's, and it's morning. Jake obviously must have taken me home. I feel so embarassed when I think of what happened last night. I'm such an idiot. Jacob doesn't fancy me. He imprinted on that weird little kid. I swear, if I ever imprint, it better not be to a baby, because, frankly, that is weird.

I get up, and head downstairs to get breakfast. Of course, the Cullens have 'already eaten.' Mum and Jacb are having breakfast. I want to just leave, how can I face Jacob after what happened. He sees me standing there, and grins.

"Don't worry about it, Leah," he says. Then he winks. "It never happened."

"What didn't happen?" Mum asks.

"Nothing," I say, then to change the subject, I tell them my news. "Mum, guess what? I got all my memory back."

My mum can't even speak, she just stands there, laughing and crying, and then she hugs me. I laugh.

"Where's Seth?" I ask, when I realise he isn't there.

"With some girl," Jake smirks. "Kiera something."

"Did he imprint?" I ask. Jacob nods. "That's awesome!" I exclaim. I'm so happy for him.

***

Later that day, I'm sitting in my room. I was so happy at remembering all my life, that I completely forgot. For one day, it wasn't bugging me like crazy. Now it is. May be I remember all my life, but there is one thing I still can't remember. It didn't feature in my life, so where did it come from?

Who the hell is Connor Johnson?

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**thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed it. please, please, please reveiw. I shall be very grateful!  
Btw, in case you havn't guessed, this story is almost over. Only a few more chapters to go. There probably will be a sequel, and I think I might write Seth and his imprints story as well. Dunno yet.  
****:]  
****xoxo**


	13. Finally

**AN:  
Sorry, its been aages since I last updated. I just haven't been in the mood to do anything constructive whatsoever. But anyway, heres the chapter. It's not that long either, like half the length of the last one. Soz, dudes. Enjoy...!**

**Btw, thnx everyone who reveiwed. And well done whoever that was who guessed right. u no who u is! ;) lol**

* * *

"Hey, Emily. Want to go shopping later?" I ask my cousin, smiling. She looks up, surprised and happy, and she nods.

"I'd love to, Leah," she says. It's been years since we last went shopping together, but as I recall - shopping with Emily is a lot of fun.

I'm not going to pretend that the hurt isn't still there, because it is. I tried to hate her for too long, and forgiving her completely will take time. So for now, I'm just going to remind myself what a great person my cousin actually is. I'll get over what happened eventually.

We make plans to go to Port Angelus at about twelve, in a couple of hours. I go upstairs to get ready. My make up is in the bathroom, so I walk down and open the door...

"Okay. Eww," I exclaim and I shut the door. "For God's sake, could you not lock the door?!" I add. Seth was in there. With Kiera (his imprint.) Making out. That. Is. Gross.

It's been two weeks since Jake imprinted, and Kiera King has practically moved in with us. And by us, I mean me, Seth and Mum. We left the Cullens last week, but I have to admit, I spend a lot of time up there. What can I say? They're cool people. So anyway, Seth and Kiera. Kiera King lives in Forks with her aunt and uncle. She's from Ireland, she moved here a couple of months ago. I don't know why. She's only sixteen, so Mum is getting pretty stressed out. But, I mean, Seth is only two years older, and it's not like they're doing anything major... At least, I hope not.

I hear Sam downstairs. Nothing. My heart doesn't skip a beat. I don't feel a stab to my heart. It's all good - things are finally looking up for me - Leah Clearwater.

I fix my hair, straighten it. It's too long, I decide, looking in the mirror, so I tie it back. Then I fix my make up - foundation, lipgloss, a little bit of eyeliner and mascara. All done. Glancing in the mirror I decide that this'll have to do, so I grab my handbag and head downstairs. It always did take me ages to get ready.

"Coming?" I ask Emily and she nods. Her and Sam were in the living room, talking to Mum. She is helping to plan their wedding. They're getting married. And I'm happy for them. Right?

We head down to the town. Emily knows all the best shops, what would look good, what doesn't: she is an awesome person to go shopping with. It's almost six in the evening when we decide to head home. I have 10 shopping bags, full of clothes. Don't let me get started on what Emily got.

"Want to get something to eat?" I ask her.

"Sure," she grins. "MacDonalds?"

"Of course," I laugh. We were talking a lot today about when we were little, and we remembered how we used to love MacDonalds. I don't care about all the calories, the meat that might be rat, that place tastes amazing!

"I love strawberry milkshake," Emily says, as we sit down at the table.

"It is good," I agree. It's so easy talking to her now; so normal; so fun. How was I angry at her for so long? It wasn't her fault she imprinted. Although, I think that made me hate her more. But that's all over now, and we can be friends again; cousins, and we'll not be fighting over guys again.

We eat in silence for a while. Not an awkward silence, just we've got nothing to say. Then Emily looks up at me.

"Leah?"

"Yeah?"

"Why..? Why are...?" She pauses. "Why are you talking to me again? When did you stop hating me?"

"I never really hated you," I say after a minute. "Not properly. I was angry; hurt, and I was jealous. I couldn't see you, because seeing you meant seeing Sam and that hurt too much. But I guess I always knew it wasn't you fault, either of your faults. I just..." Its hard to explain. I don't even understand myself.

"So...what changed?"

"I lost my memory. I got to know you and Sam again, over those few weeks, and in my memory. And when I remembered me and Sam going steady, I knew...I knew something painful was coming.. But I knew you too."

She nods, like she understands. "I really am sorry, Leah."

"I know," I smile. "Me too. I'm not going to lie, and say it doesn't hurt. It always will, but Em, I know it wasn't your faults." I wipe my eyes. Great, now my mascara will run. I laugh; that forced laugh you do when your embarrassed to be crying. I go into the bathroom, and fix my make up, then go back out.

"Hi," I say, sitting back down beside Emily.

"Hi," she grins. Then she pauses. "Friends?"

"Friends," I nod, and smile.

We finish our food. McFlurrys of course! Then we leave MacDonalds, and are about to go into a car, when I look up, and notice this guy staring at me. He doesn't look away when I see him. I nudge Emily.

"Err...what the hell?" I whisper, and she laughs.

And I can't explain it, I don't understand it, but I'm compelled to walk over to him. He keeps watching me, and weirdly, I'm not creeped out. I look at him. He's about six foot, not quite muscular, but not skinny either. He's wearing a pair of grey dark skinny jeans, and a black t-shirt. He has dark brown hair, not very long, not that short either and he's watching me with big dark blue eyes. He looks to be about 25. He's pale, not vampire pale, just an untanned human. He keeps his eyes on me as I walk towards him.

"Leah?" Emily says, but I barely hear her, I don't glance back. I'm totally focused on this man. I have to talk to him...I have to...

"Hello," he says. Oh. My. God. His voice is as hot as he is, and thats a lot. He might not be vampire pale, but jeeze, he is vampire hot.

"Hi," I say. Good, I can still speak. Then, finding a sudden confidence I'm able to speak again. "So, did you want something?"

"Yes," he says, but he doesn't elaborate. He doesn't need to. He smiles at me. I swear, if his was the only smile I ever saw again, I'd die happy. I don't know what's come over me, why I'm acting like this. I'm usually not so impulsive. I'm usually so careful, cautious, untrusting...

But there's nothing usual about any of this.

"I'm Leah," I extend my hand, and he takes it, firmly, and shakes it. And I know that handshake lasted longer than a normal one, but when he let's go of my hand, it's too soon.

"Leah," he repeats my name slowly, keeping his eyes on me the whole time.

"Leah, what's going on?" Emily shouts but I ignore her. I don't care about her, about Sam, about anyone but this stranger.

Then, suddenely, I snap out of the trance I was in. What am I doing? Acting like I'm hypnotised or something. I don't knwo this guy, why did I come over to talk to him? But I don't have time to ponder for long.

"Leah," he says. "You busy?"

"No," I say, before I can stop myself.

"Good," he grins, his eyes sparkling. "Come on," he holds out his hand, and I take it without a second thought.

"I'll meet you later," I call to Emily, as he leads me away. And strangely, she doesn't try to stop me; she smiles and waves me on. Weird...  
"Where are we going?" I ask him, but I don't care, he could take me anywhere, I wouldn't mind.

"Just somewhere," he says, mysteriously. This is stupid, crazy, dangerous...but I have to follow this man.

"That's okay," I smile.

And we keep walking in silence, because I don't know what to say. And we don't need to talk; this silence isn't an awkward one; it's just a comfortable silence. We walk seemingly aimlessly for God knows how long.

"Umm, seriously, where are we going?" I ask.

"Okay, I have a confession to make," he says, smirking. "I have no idea.I was hoping we might end up somewhere, but I had nowhere in mind..." I laugh, I had begun to suspect that myself.

"Okay then," I say. "Well, look there's a seat over there - lets sit down," I suggest.

"Sure," he grins, and we cross the raod and sit on the bench on the street.

I'm about to say something, when I realise I still don't know this guy's name. Well, it's a good place to start. "So, what's your name?" I ask.

And before he answers me, I know...I know what he's going to say. "Connor," he smiles. "Connor Johnson."

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**An: Because that wasn't insanely predictable...lol. ;)  
thanks for reading y'all, and please please please review!  
:] xoxo**


	14. Connor Johnson

**An: cos i'm not a total idiot! i accidently uploaded a chpt of my other 'the host' fanfic, instead of this one. oops. but anyway heres the proper chapter! lol :]**

**btw, my fanfic on the host is a lot better than that one chptr which sucked. **

**Disclaimer: Omg, i forgot to include a disclaimer last chptr. i want to assure you, despite what you might believe, that i most definately am not stepahie meyer, and therefore, most of these characters dont belong to me.**

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_And before he answers me, I know...I know what he's going to say. "Connor," he smiles. "Connor Johnson."_

"Oh my God!" I gasp. "I know you!"

"How?" he frowns, clearly he doesn't recognise me.

"I uhh..." I falter. How do I know Connor Johnson? "I don't know how I know you, I just do..." I realise how stupid I sound. Great.

"I don't understand..."

"Okay...how to explain this..." I pause. "Just over a month ago...something happened...and I got amnesia. I couldn't remember anything about who I was. The only thing I remembered was a name. Connor Johnson." I pause, to see his reaction. He frowns, and I continue. "So, I got all my memory back, I know who I am now. But I still didn't have a face to go with the name Connor Johnson."

"I think you must be thinking of someone else," he offers, but I shake my head. I know this is _the_ Connor Johnson. "Look, Leah, I don't want to be rude but I don't know you. I've never seen you before in my life."

"I know," I sigh. "But for some reason, I remember your name."

"This doesn't make any sense!"

I laugh. "Story of my life, Connor. Story of my life..." He looks puzzled.

"So, umm..." he hesitates. "This is stupid, I don't know what I was thinking. I have to go now. It was nice to meet you, Leah." And he gets up, and begins to walk away. I run after him, and grab on to his arm.

"No wait," I plead. "I only just found you, I need to know who you are."

"This is crazy," Connor mutters, as he sits down on the seat beside me. He seems to be talking more to himself, than to me. "I mean, I don't know you. I just saw you, and I had to talk to you, and you just followed me and now, I don't even want to leave you, and I..." He stops, then says louder, "I'm not usually like this. I'm usually so calm, and normal...I'm not all that impulsive. I don't know what's going on..."

I'm not sure how to respond, so I change the subject. "Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself, Connor?"

"Uh... my name is Connor Johnson," he offers, and shrugs. "I'm 25? I live in Seattle with a few of my friends. I work in Target.**(I don't know many US shops lol)** I... uhh... What about you?"

"I'm Leah Clearwater. I'm 21. Live in LaPush, with my mum and my little brother." I grin, I can't believe I'm actually talking to Connor Johnson. "So, what brings you to Port Angelus?" I ask. I mean, this guy is hardly here to go shopping... I mean, he lives in Seattle which is waay better for shopping. Although, I do kinda hope that he isn't a big shopping fan...

"My sister lives here," he explains. "My nephew's birthday is coming up, and I just felt like coming down here today to give him his present. I dunno..." he shrugs. "What about you?"

"Me and my cousin were out shopping," I say.

We talk for a while, getting to know each other. Nothing exciting; no flirting, but I'm enjoying myself. Sitting here...with Connor: it..it feels right. And I can't explain why. We're in the middle of talking about schools (exciting, I know...) when suddenely, Connor stops.

"What?" I ask. Looking around, I notice it's gotten dark and I hadn't even realised. How long have I been sitting here?

"Leah," Connor pauses. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Is this lead up to some cheesy chat up line? And then it hits me; clicks in my head; lighs flashing in my brain! Of course...Oh my God! It's so obvious! I can hardly believe it, but it makes perfect sense.

"Yes," I nod. "Sort of." And then, he leans forward and kisses me. Slowly at first, then faster, then slower, sofly, harder, then soft again... I've never felt like this before, not kissing anyone. So light headed and dizzy, so happy; content, in complete ecstasy.

"Wow," Connor breaths, as he pulls away. I laugh slightly.

And of course, my phone has to go off, just to ruin the moment.

It's Emily. "Hello?"

"What?" I snap.

"Where are you, Lee?"

"Umm, nowhere really."

"So, what's he like?" I can hear the excitment in her voice. _She knows!_

"Amazing," I say simply.

"Of course...so what's his name..?"

"Connor Johnson," I can't help but grin.

She gasps; she was not expecting that. "Oh my God!"

"Yeah," I agree. "Well, talk to ya later, Em!" I'm about to hang up, but she interrupts me.

"Lee, I've waited two hours for you, I need to get home!"

"Oh," I sigh. "Uhh, Connor, my cousin says I have to go home now. She has the car keys!"

His face fall, then lighs up again. "I'll drive you home!"

"Are you sure?" I say. He nods. Without thinking of the dangers I say to Emily, "Em, you go on home, I'll be fine. See ya later."

"Ok, if you're sure," she hesitates. "Bye, then." Click.

"So...LaPush," Connor says, moving closer to me. "I think I've been there a few times."

"Well, I'll direct you if you think you might get lost," I grin. "Thanks. For giving me a lift home."

"Well, to be honest, Leah, I don't feel like I have much choice. I couldn't bear the thought of you leaving so soon..."

And I know I'm falling in love. Sam? He's just a distant memory of a childhood friend; all the pain is gone. It's like the emptiness he left behind has been all filled up. By Connor.

"Err, Leah," he hesitates. "You said you had amnesia? How? Why?"

"Oh God," I sigh. How to explain, without sounding mental? "I..uhh...I tried to...tried to..k..kill myself." I stop, I can't look up; can't meet his eye. "I took some pills, and when I woke up, I had amnesia. But I have all my memory back now," I add quickly. "And, I'm not suicidal anymore!"

"Why...why would you want to kill yourself?" he asks, hugging me. "Sorry, you don't have to answer if you don't want to..."

"It's fine," I say. I'll have to tell him sometime. "I..I guess I was depressed. My boyfriend dumped me, but that was a long time ago, and I still hadn't gotten over it. But I'm over it now, it's fine."

"Right..." he draws a deep breath in.

"I...I haven't scared you off, have I?" I ask, hesitating. There is a pause, and then Connor holds me tighter. I feel so safe in his arms.

"Scared me off?"he says. "No, of course not. I just want to make you better..."

"I think you already have," I whisper. He doesn't say anything, he just leans in and kisses me again. It's even more magical than the first time.

"This is so crazy," Connor grins, a while later. "I hardly even know you, but I feel as if I've known you my whole life. I...this sounds crazy, but I feel like I love you," he stops.

"I don't think you're crazy," I reply, smiling. "Well, I do, may be just a bit. But I like crazy!"

"Cool."

"Anyway, I got to get back home," I say, smiling. "I really think you need to meet some of my family and friends."

"Isn't it a bit soon for introductions?" Connor smirks, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope," I shake my head. "Now come on."

We're sitting in Connor's car, an old blue peugeot. The radio is on low, some random music station. I'm not paying aatention to it; I couldn't tell you what's playing. We're almost at LaPush now, Connor found it pretty easy. We talked all the way, more about ourselves and ur lives, what we like, what we don't, and we have talked about _us_ a couple of times. I can't explain what's going on though.

I take out my mobile, and text Jacob, Sam and the rest of the wolves.  
_B my house in 10 minutes. Will explain all then. Thnx. :]_

I direct Connor to my house, and we pull up in the driveway. I notice a couple of other cars sitting around. Good. Everyone else is here. I take Connor's hand, and lead himup to the doorway. "You ready?" I ask, before opening the door. He hesitates, before nodding his head. I push the door open, and we walk in. I can hear everyone in the sitting room, so we walk over.

They all look up in silence when we walk in. Emily hasn't filled thim in, I guess. "Leah?" Jake says. "What's going on?"

"Connor, these are my friends." I say, smiling. "Everyone this is Connor. Connor Johnson." There's some wide eyes and gasps, but not as dramatic as the reaction when I take a deep breath, and add my next statement. "Connor Johnson is my imprint."

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**An: I'm rather enjoying the predictable chapter endings. ;)  
not much of a cliffhanger there. You all know she imprinted agges ago, right?****  
thanks for reading y'all, and please please please review!  
:] xoxo**

**btw, this is a pic of what connor looks like in my head. lead singer of an aweome band, the script. I don't think they're big in the US yet, you should check them out!  
**_.com/media/gallery_images__


	15. The Cure

**An: ****last chapter guys. then an epilogue. but, i do have a sequel planned, and seth/kiera story. plus another twilight fanfic. **

**A lot of dialogue in this chapter, I hope it isn't too much. It's also rather long.**

**Disclaimer: dudes, if u still think i'm stephanie meyer i really don't know what to say that might convinve you i'm not...**

* * *

_"Connor, these are my friends." I say, smiling. "Everyone this is Connor. Connor Johnson." There's some wide eyes and gasps, but not as dramatic as the reaction when I take a deep breath, and add my next statement. "Connor Johnson is my imprint."_

"I knew it," Emily squeals. "I knew it as soon as he stared at you! Oh my God, Leah this is soo awesome!"

"Imprint?" Connor looks very, very confused, a little worried and just a tad frightened. "Umm, Leah, what?!"

"It's kinda hard to explain," I shrug. "This is gonna take a while. Sam and Jake can explain better, they're the leaders."

"Leaders of what?" Connor hesitates, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"The pack," Jacob smirks. I bet he's noticed how terrefied Connor is, and wants to make it worse. I wouldn't put it past him.

"Pack?" Connor sits down, and takes a deep breath. "Okay, no offence Leah, but this is seriously weird..."

"Leah?" Seth asks. "How did you know him?"

"I didn't," I shrug.

"I don't get it," Seth looks from me to Connor, back to me. Rather blankly. Connor is squirming uncomfortably on his seat, looking at all of us. All 17 of us. All 12 werewolves and Emily, Rachel, Kim, Kiera and Casey; the imprints. (Obviously Nessie, Claire and Tina are in bed.) I look around too. The guys are all massive. We must make a pretty intimidating bunch.

There is a knock on the door, and my Mum walks in, holding a tray of mugs, two pots of tea and three packets of biscuits. "There you all go," he smiles. She looks over to Connor and smiles, then looks back at me. "Emily told me you imprinted?" she says excitedly. I nod. She looks positively ecstatic. Connor just looks really scared.

"Okay, will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on!" he exclaims.

Kiera laughs. "Okay, will someone please put this poor guy out of his misery?"

"Yeah, poor guy..." Sam says, somewhat sarcastically. What's his problem?

"Connor," I say, slowly. "Me and my friends, barr a few of us. The pack, well, we're...werewolves." The last word was barely a whisper, but everyone heard it in the silence.

"Werewolves?" Connor raises an eyebrow. "Okay, seriously, where are the TV cameras? When is MTV going to pop out and tell me I've been punked? This actually isn't funny, you know." To highlight his point, Seth laughs.

"I know," I say. And then, I pull of my hoodie and jeans, so I'm standing in my underpants(**wtf do americans call undergarments?!**) and a vest top. Everyone else is looking away, and smirking, occasionally checking out Connor's reaction. Okay, if he looked umcomfortable before, he definately looks it now. He's shifting about on that chair, and trying to look away, but he can't. He is confused and rather freaked out, I would imagine.

Now, I'm gonna phase in front of this guy, and I imprinted on him. Still, there is no way I am stripping in fron of everyone. Nu-uh. These clothes can be destroyed, I don't care.

"Leah, what the hell are you doing?" Connor asks.

"Watch this," I grin, and thats when he faints. He comes round two minutes later, and me, the wolf is still there. I attempt to smile at him, but obviously I fail, because he backs away; shaking, his eyes wide. "Jesus...."

"She does that sometimes," Seth says with a smirk. The guys all laugh.

I attempt, struggling to manouvre out of the room, without breaking any furniture. Just a vase, that's not too bad. Not really... I go out into the hall, and Mum runs upstairs. She comes down, and sets down some new clothes. Then she goes back into the living room, and shuts the door. I phase back, and get dressed. Then, I go back into the living room, where Jacob is filling Connor in on the whole werewolf thing.

"...So, we can phase when we want," he says. "And sometimes, we phase when we get really mad. But all that full moon stuff is shit. Although we aren't actually werewolves, technically, we're shapeshifters. Who change into wolves... We can kill"- he smirks at that point- "but in general, we aren't dangerous. We aren't born like this, it happens when we're in our teens usually. But not always, only when they'res leeches around. The werewolf gene is passed down through our Quileute tribe..."

"Okay, seriously, dude," Connor interrupts. "Can you slow down? This is kinda a lot to take in."

Jacob smirks, and continues. "When we're all phase, we can connect telepathically. All our thoughts are interconnected. Me and Sam, we're the alphas, or the leaders. Technically, they're should only be one Alpha, and usually there is: Sam. But sometimes we split into two packs, if say, we think it might be useful. But generally, we only split into two packs when Sam pisses me off." He grins at Sam, who doesn't respond. "The Alpha is in charge, everyone has to obey them. When we're in two packs, and me and Sam are both phased, we can communicate telepathically too. Umm, we used to think only guys could phase, so far Leah is the only chick. Umm, I think that's basically it, in a nutshell. It's quite confusing."

"You don't say," Connor says dryly.

"Sam can probably explain it better," Jacob suggets, looking at Sam.

"No, I think you told him enough," Sam says, angrily.

"What's you're problem?" Paul asks. "I'm the angry one..."

"Yeah, well I just don't think this is a good idea" Sam snaps. "Telling this stranger everything!"

"He's Leah's imprint, Sam," Emily says gently. "Of course we tell him everything."

"Imprint?" Sam says. "What about the fact he knows, Leah? And she knows him, but doesn't remeber and he won't tell her why?! Or has nobpdy else realised that?"

"I didn't know Leah before tonight!" Connor exclaims.

"He didn't," I insist. "We didn't know each other."

"So, how come you remembered his name?"

"I..I don't know!"

"But, he comes in here, and we just tell him all our secrets?" Sam asks, sarcastically. "That's a good idea..."

"Leah imprinted on Connor, Sam," Emily says, but not angrily, "whether you like it or not. Either you help us out tonight, or may be you should go on home, because you really aren't helping."

"Thanks for your support."

"I want Leah to be happy," Emily says defiantly. "Now, are you gonna stay or what?"

"I'll stay," Sam says, his teeth gritted. "I'm the Alpha." He looks at Jacob when he says that, but Jake just grins at him, and nods. I really don't know what Sam's problem is. It's kinda pissing me off. He messed me up, for years. Now I have my chance to be better, and he wants to mess that up too.

Connor has just been watching this, silently. Hell, I wouldnt get involved in werewolves fighting either. He waits until there is silence, then looks up at me. "Leah, what is imprinting?"

"It's what happened to us," I smile, and look into his eyes. It's like we're the only ones in the room. "It's like love at first sight, only a million times stronger; more intense. It's like soulmates, the person you're destined to be with; you need to be with. It's a connection; a bond you can't break. It's the most amazing feeling in the world."

"Okay, that is so cheesy!" Connor teases. "But I know what you mean, I understand. I feel it right now. Love, love doesn't come close to what I feel." And, forgetting that anyone else is in the room, I lean in and kiss him.

Of course, everyone else is in the room, and they aren't going to watch that. Embry coughs loudly. "Save it for later, Leah," he winks.

"Or don't!" Mum says, but she's joking. I think.

"So, I still have a few...a lot of questions," Connor grins.

"It's getting late," Sam says.

"Well, then you can go on," Seth says. "Actually, you know what, you all can. Me, Jake and Leah can explain it, we'll be fine." There is some discussing this, and it is late. So, after about five minutes and a lot of goodbyes, everyone gets up to leave.

"You not coming?" Quil asks Sam.

"I think I'll stay, actually." Why the hell is he staying? He doesn't want to be here. But he does stay, along with Emily, of course. Jake stays too, and Seth and Kiera were hardly going to leave. Mum gets up.

"I'll get some more tea," she suggests.

"Coffee," Kiera says. "Might be wiser..." Mum laughs, and nods.

I'm sitting, curled up on the sofa beside Connor Johnson, my imprint. I had no idea today was going to turn out like this.

"So, what other questions did you have?" Jake says, laughing. "This could take a while..."

"Okay, imprinting...why?"

"I don't think any of us know the answer to that," I say. "The person you imprint with is supposed to be you're best chance of carrying along the werewolf line..." I trail off and go bright red. Oh. My. God. Dis I just suggest what I think I suggested?

"Really?" Connor faces me, grinning. "Well, we'll see about that..."

"Please," Kiera says. "We are here, you know..."

"Sorry," Connor rolls his eyes. "Okay, what else...umm...why leeches?"

"Huh?" Jacob looks blankly at him, and none of us know what he's talking about.

"Leeches," Connor repeats. "You said you only became werewolves when leeches were around...? That's kinda random. What's up with that?" He looks somewhat bemused, while we all roll on the floor laughing. Quite hysterically. "Okay, was that a lie or what?" We struggle to compose ourselves. Well, except for Sam; all he managed was a slight smirk.

"So suspicious," Jacob says accusingly, but he doesn't mean it. "Umm, leeches...it's kind of like a derogatery term for... vampires."

"Vampires?" As one would expect, we are treated with sceptism and raised eyebrows.

"Vampires," Seth nods. "You know..scary undead creatures that suck blood..?"

"I know what a vampire is!" Connor snaps. "I'm just not sure if I should believe you..."

"You should," Jacob says solemnly. "Yeah, there are some vampires here. They're 'good' vampires; 'vegetarians.' Suppossed to be our worst enemies, but you know we've stopped hating them so much recently. What with the fact I imprinted one one of them, and they saved Leah's life."

"To be honest, they've saved our asses many times," Seth laughs. "They're not too bad, once you get used to the smell..."

"Smell?" Connor shudders, imagining the smell of blood or dead bodies, probably.

"Don't worry, you can't smell them," Emily grins. "You're human, like me. Only the wolves think they smell bad."

"Oh...good...."

"They are weird though," Jacob adds. "Well, they are all very...beautiful..."

"Understatement of the century," I mutter.

"Yeah, whatever," Jake shrugs. "Alice, shes this tiny girl, she can see into the future. Unless us wolves are involves, cos she can't see us. Jasper, her boyfriend can control peoples emotions. Bella is like a shield, she can block...mental stuff. And Edwrard, her boyfriend, he's the creepiest of them all...he can read minds!" His eyes widen, dramatically, then he mutters, "It's seriously annoying, actually." I can just picture Edward, up in his mansion, laughing away to himself at that. And my thought there now. Laughing like a lunatic.

"So you lot turn into wolves because of mind reading, shieldy, emotion controlling phsychic vampires...?" Connor looks just a little bit doubtful.

"You're learning fast!" Jake applauds. Ugh, he can be irritating at times.

Mum walks in with the coffee then, and sets it on the table. We all grab a mug, adding milk and sugar.

"So, anything else you want to know?" Seth asks.

"Where do I start?"

"You could start by telling us how you know Leah!"Sam says, suddenely. Okay, he is seriously getting on my nerves now.

"We don't know each other!" I shout. "So shut up about it already!"

"You knew his name!" Sam says back, nastily.

"Well," I shrug. "It must have been magic, like imprinting."

"Bullshit."

"Just shut up, Sam. I don't know what your problem is..."

"I'll tell you what his problem is," Mum says, suddenely. She pauses. "He's jealous."

"Jealous?" Sam laughs, humourlessly. "In case you didn't realise, Sue, I stopped loving your daughter a hell of a long time ago. Why would I be jealous that she might actaully stop fucking obsessing over me?!"

Woah. That was harsh. Way harsh. "I'll tell you something," I say to Sam furiously, struggling to blink back tears. "There is no way I would be obsessing over you, because right now you're being a total bastard!" Seth sniggers.

"Whatever, Leah," he shrugs. "Like you haven't been a total bitch the past few years...."

"Right, Sam, that's enough," Emily says.

"Well, I think you're just proving my point," Mum insists. Like any of us know what her point is...

"That I'm jealous?" Sam says angrily. "And I thought I'd made it pretty clear I got a lucky escape from this crazy bitch?"

"Well, you're the one acting pretty crazy now, mate," Connor says. He's sticking up for me! That's so sweet.

And it makes me even angrier at Sam. "Look, I don't know what you're problem is!" I shout, through my tears. "Why can't you just be happy for me? I..I forgave you, I've been trying my hardest to make it up to you, and Emily. But the fact is, you messed me up, Sam, and it took me ages to start to get better. But when I saw Connor today, I forgot all about you! This is my chance to be better; to be happy. And you want to try and fucking mess this up too!"

The awkward silence that has been descending finally arrives. Tick. I can hear the clock on the wall; everyone breathing and shifting uncomfortably. But nobody says anything.

Until Mum speaks again. To Sam. I had no idea she was so outspoken. "You are jealous. Not because you want Leah for yourself, but because you want her to like you. Secretly, you liked it when Leah was pining over you. It made you feel special; important."

"Bullshit."

"Well, I've always kind of suspected that. This just confirms my suspicions."

"That's complete and utter bullshit," Sam repeats, louder.

"Is it?" Mum raises an eyebrow. There is silence. Is it 'bullshit' as Sam put it? Or could it be true? I don't know anymore...

And then I realise I don't care. What do I care? I should be finished; done with all this Sam drama. He shouldn''t matter to me anymore. I should be moved on. I have Connor now. I love him, he loves me. We've imprinted together. Where does Sam feature in any of that.

"Sam," I say, wiping my eyes. "I really don't know what you're problem is, but I do know it isn't my problem. I'm sorry I called you a bastard. But, the fact is, when you're acting like this, I don't care what it is you have to say. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I love Connor. Hell, you should know, you imprinted yourself. But, if you can't even try to be happy for me, I think you should go. Because, I'm trying to move on with my life, and I really don't need anymore drama from you. That stage; that messed up, depressed - bitchy even - stage of my life: it's over. Bye, Sam."

"Well done," Mum whispers to me.

"Sam, I think we should go," Emily insists, and Sam gets up to leave. "Bye, Leah," Emily adds. "I'm really happy for you. See you tommorow, probably."

"Bye, Em," I say, and everyone says goodbye to her. Nobody dares say goodbye to Sam.

"Wait!" It's Kiera who speaks now, the shy sixteen year old who has hardly spoken. " This'll only take two seconds, I swear. I've been thinking. I learned a bit about the subconscience in phsychology last year. Anyway, Seth was telling me the other day that Billy told him that imprinting was destiny. Right. But, he also said that you're subconscince knew who you were destined to be with. You're subconscience recognises you're imprint."

She pauses, but nobody understands exactly where she is going with this, so she continues.

"Anyway, I don't know you that well, Leah, but I'd guess you were pretty depressed when you tried to kill yourself. And you got amnesia because you were repressing your memories. I don't know what all Carlisle explained to you. But anyway, repression is a way your brain copes with something traumatic to remember: it blocks it. You're subconscince blocks all you memories.

You said so yourself, these memories were making you 'messed up.' In other words, they were making you sick; depressed. What you also said was that Connor could make you happy; he could make you better. Anyway, you're subconscience blocked all the traumatic memories, because they were making you sick. And it revealed to you the name Connor Johnson, because that could make you better. You're subconscience always knew Connor Johnson was you're imprint; that he could make you better. You just didn't realise that. His name wasn't a memory at all. The brain is pretty smart," she finishes off with a grin.

"You know," Mum says. "That actually makes a lot of sense..."

"It does, in a weird sort of way," Jacob agrees, and soon we're all nodding and agreeing. It does make sense, sort of. But could it be true? Did my 'subconscience' know that Connor was my cure all along?

"Leah," Sam turns and faces me. "I think may be I overreacted before. And, I am sorry...for everything. I don't think your a crazy phsyco bitch. You're just Leah. And, I've been looking out for you since you were five; always caring about you. That never changed. Anyway, see you around." He hesitates, before turning back. "And, I guess I am happy for you, Leah."

I smile, and a tear spills down my cheek. "Thank's Sam," I say. And when he walks out, it feels like all the pain associated with Sam Uley is walking out with him.

***

"Guys, I'm going to bed!" Jacob yawns, and Seth follows suit. Mum and Kiera went to bed like an hour ago. We were filling Connor in on everything vampire and werewolf, and everything Leah and Sam. Needless to say, it was complicated, and it took a while. Seth and Jaoc go upstairs, leaving me and Connor alone for the first time since I got home.

"Well, this has to be the maddest nights of my life," Connor grins, cheekily at me. "I keep thinking I'm going to wake up, and this will all just be a dream."

"I know the feeling, babe," I say. "But are dreams ever as realistic as this?" And my closer to him, and put my lips on his, kissing him slowly, until it becomes faster and more passionate. He wraps his arms around me, and I feel the safest I've felt before in my life. Our kiss becomes deeper, and I feel his hand move slowly up underneath my black vest top. His hand is warm, but it leaves an ice cold trail on my skin. His hand slides slowly under my bra, and I moan slightly. He kisses me more desperately, then he slides his mouth down, sucking on my neck. I feel his hand, struggling at my bra strap.

"Not here," I whisper. "Upstairs." My room is the converted roofspace on the third floor. In other words, nobody will hear...

We go upstairs, arms around each other. Connor stops me on the stairs. "I love you," he whispers, before he leans in and kisses me. Finally, we make it up to my room, hot and gasping for breath.

"Are you sure?" Connor asks me, and I nod. He kisses me softly first, then faster and more rhythmitically. Then, he pulls of the vest top and kisses my stomach. He pulls off his own t-shirt. His chest is smooth, pale with just the hint of a 4 pac. He kicks his shoes off, while he kisses me. He slides my sweatpants off quickly, and I undo the belt on his jeans, the button and the zip, and he pulls his jeans off himself. We both lie on the bed, panting hard in our underwear for a few seconds, until I put my mouth on his again. His hands roam all over me, until he settles one hand on my breast, the other on my hip. Then, with some difficulty, he opens my bra strap. His hands slide down, until all our clothes are lying on the floor.

"Make love to me," I whisper, and the best day of my life ends with the most magical, passionate night of my life.

***

"You come with a lot of baggage," Connor says to me the next morning, as we lie in bed.

"I know," I sigh.

"But I don't care, Leah."

"Not at all?"

"Not at all. You know why? Because I love you, and I always will. We've imprinted, haven't we. That's forever."

"Forever," I agree. "I love you too, Connor."

And, for the first time in my life I feel comp;etely content. More than content, more than happy even. Joy; ecstasy; bliss: loved.

* * *

**An: ****thanks for reading y'all, and please review!  
that was a long chptr, it was also the last one before the epilogue. I hope that second last part wasnt too nasty...lol****  
:] xoxo**


	16. Wedding Day

**An: The end. :'( lol**

**Disclaimer: For the last time, I'm not Stephanie Meyer! **

* * *

My name is Leah Clearwater, and I'm 21 years old. I live in Forks with my boyfriend, Connor. A few years ago, I got my heart broken and I couldn't cope. I got amnesia after my suicide attempt. I discovered who I was again, and then I found the best thing that ever happened to me. Connor Johnson.

* * *

"Leah, would you sit still?!" Alice exclaims. "How I am I supposed to put eyeliner on you, when you keep fidgeting?!"

"Sorry," I roll my eyes.

"You should be!" she exclaims. "Bella, would you put that dress on?! And for God's sake, Emily don't sit on that chair! Leah, stop fidgeting!"

"Alice, relax," Bella grins. "We have pleanty of time."

"You think?" Alice sighs. "I still have to do your make up, and Rose's. I need to do everyones hair! And I still haven't picked out an outfit for myself yet!"

"I can do my own make up!" Bella insists.

Alice raises an eyebrow. "Not for a wedding!" She holds up a mirror. "There. Done." Well, I still have a towel on my head, but my make up is looking great. "Right, Leah, get dressed. Bella, get your butt over here, so I can do your make up. Emily, I dunno... just stand there."

"Can someone do up this zip for me?" I say, stuggling with the zip on my dress.

Rosalie comes walking into the room. She's wearing a short, purple, silk, strapless dress, and purple Jimmy Choo heels. She has a a white scarf and handbag, and white beads. Its simple, but she looks amazing. Trust Rosalie to try to outshine the bride! Her silky, shiny blonde hair is in loose curls down her back. "Alice, will you do my make up?" she asks.

"I'm a bit busy..."

"Rose, like you need Alice to do your make up too," Bella says. "One: you don't need make up, and two: you're make up is always flawless."

"Whatever," Rose says. "I'll do it myself then. Thanks for your help, Alice."

"Your welcome," Alice grins. "Okay, thats eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara done...where is the lipgloss?"

An hour later, and we've all been plucked, tanned, made up and blow dried to perfection. Alice too. She works quickly. She is wearing a green halterneck dress with black lace underneath, that flares out at the bottom, and stops just above her knee. She has flat black pumps on, and her hair is spiked up. She looks amazing as usual. She curled my hair, and tied and twisted it up at the back so it looked like a flower. She done something similar with Bella's hair. With Emily it was more simplistic, she just straightened it and left it down. Our make up is all perfect. Bella has the red bridemaids dress on. It's strapless, tight, and comes halfway down the thigh. It had small black rose embellishments on the bottom half. Bella also has a black scarf, and red pumps on. She looks so pretty.

We all leave the Cullen house. Rose has already left with Esme and Carlisle.

"We're are going to be so late!" I exclaim, looking at my watch. It's a quater to eleven.

"Relax," Emily grins. "The bride is always late." We smirk, as we climb inside the white limo. Twenty minutes later and the limo pulls up at the Church. It's an eighteenth century grey church, the sun is shining, bluebells are growing; it's a picturesque wedding scene. Everyone is already inside, and I can see the priest waiting at the alter.

"Quickly," Alice ushers me inside, while I'm admiring the view. She shoves the boquet of flowers in my hand, as she runs to her seat.

"Ready?" Bella asks.

I hand Emily the flowers. "Maid of honour," I whisper, grinning, and she nods. The piano begins playing. My uncle takes Emily's arm, and I lift the train of her dress. Me and Bella, dressed in identical outfits follow Emily down the ailse, until she reaches Sam at the alter. I smile reassuringly at her, and take my seat.

She looks so beautiful. Her dress is tight, silky and strapless at the top, then flowing and wide, made of silk, and net; layer upon layer from the waist downwards. It's white with hints of cream. She has a silver tiara on, and a white veil that fall down her back, reaching her waist. She smiles at Sam, and takes his hand.

I never thought I could feel so happy on this day.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to see Emily Nicholls and Sam Uley joined in holy matrimony..."

***

We gather outside the Church, waiting for Emily and Sam to come out. I look around for Connor. When I spot him, I take his hand. "That was so nice, wasn't it?" I say. He nods, smiling. I hope that can be us someday. It's been a month since I met Connor Johnson; the happiest month of my life. It's been a whirlwind of emotion, and I don't want it to stop. We got our own place in Forks last week; a gorgeous little apartment and I love it. I love Connor. He's all I ever wanted, and the time we spend together is heaven. I'm so glad I lost my memory, because if I hadn't, who's to say I would have ever found him?

"They're coming!" someone shouts. Emily and Sam; Mr and Mrs Uley, and I couldn't be happier for them. There are shouts, applauds and cheers as they emerge from the Church hand in hand. Confetti flies in from everywhere, and lights flash. Emily can't stop smiling.

"Girls, you ready?" she shouts, holding up her flowers. She turns around, and throws the boquet up as high as she can.

I reach my hand up into the air...and it falls straight into my hands. There is laughter, and cheers and I feel my cheeks go red as everyone watches me. Emily winks.

I turn around to face, Connor, smiling. He pulls me closer to him, and looks at the boquet of flowers.

"Looks like we have a wedding to plan," he grins.

I'm finally going to get my happily ever after.

* * *

**An: Well, thats it. It's all over. Thank you to anyone who read, reveiwed, favourited or put my story on alert, you've all been great! I loved reading all your reveiws, they were all so nice! Writing this story was fun, so look out for a sequeal. I'm also going to do a Seth/Kiera story, sort of a sequeal to this one. I think that'd be fun! :)**

**anyone who reads this chapter, please reveiw! as a present cos i wrote this story for y'all. =P ty. ;) **

**again, thanks everyone! it means so much to me. you're all amazing!  
:] xoxo**


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